1. Dark places

    Posted by jaye2080 at Mon Aug 06, 2012 3:49 pm

    I'm in such a very dark place right now.
    Perhaps if i didn't love so much it wouldn't hurt so much. But i do love, so i get hurt.

  2. Re: Dark places

    Posted by debzsanderson at Mon Aug 06, 2012 5:16 pm

    So sorry to hear this Jaye-I'm in the same place as you so at least you have some company............. Mark is so demanding yet wont go into respite or even let the agency we use take over to give me a break. I have been prescribed antidepressants now and couldnt even get myself dressed over the weekend. Its so hard when you care so much for someone who (in my case) doesnt give anything back but just demands 24/7. I wish I had the answer but for now I just take it "one day at a time" - anymore is too much to even think about.Take care Jaye

    debz xx

  3. Re: Dark places

    Posted by jaye2080 at Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:16 pm

    I so totally understand debz, it's like playing on a one way street, i keep giving and they keep taking until i have nothing left to give and then they send me heartbreak.

  4. Re: Dark places

    Posted by swissmiss at Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:37 pm

    I guess you are also grieving for the husband you have lost? I look back now and I can see how and when I lost Neil...mentally and physically....you would think life would be easier now..by now...but it isnt. I struggle to get dressed at the weekend Debz. My body aches and I cannot move.
    Karen x

  5. Re: Dark places

    Posted by swissmiss at Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:08 pm

    I was thinking about all this last night and I remember saying to Neil a few months before he left that it seemed as though he didn't really need ME..that if he had a nice young nurse and all his needs catered for that I was superfluous and without looking at me or pausing he said, "Yes." It sounds terrible but actually it was the truth...I was no longer so much his wife as his carer. Now I think we could have been happier if he lived in his own unit with carers and then I visited or we went out together....? :?

  6. Re: Dark places

    Posted by debzsanderson at Tue Aug 07, 2012 9:08 pm

    Mark is absolutely terrified with even the mention of going into respite. The last few weeks he keeps pleading with me and making me promise that I wont make him to anywhere. I can see why as he cant move any part of his body and he knows that I will do everything the way he wants and when he wants and it makes him feel safe.

    Are you feeling any better today Jaye?I hope you are still going on your planned holiday.

    debz xx

  7. Re: Dark places

    Posted by jaye2080 at Tue Aug 07, 2012 9:41 pm

    I'm feeling much better today thank you debz.
    Yes I am still going on holiday. I'm hoping that a bit of sunshine and a change of scenery will do me some good. I am a bit anxious about it, it's been so long since i had anything like a normal life, to be honest it feels a little bit scary. I've never had a holiday before.

    Everything in our house always revolves around what my husband wants and needs, and it's been going on for many years, even before i became his carer. These days i think i am just 'that woman' who makes his life run smoothly.

    I hope your feeling a bit better today debz, and you too karen. Thankyou both for being there for me.

  8. Re: Dark places

    Posted by swissmiss at Wed Aug 08, 2012 12:46 am

    Yes, well Neil has thanked me since passing for not sending him anywhere for respite....it is frightening when your needs are so great. Where are you going on holiday Jaye? Hope it works out OK as it is what you need. It doesnt help when you dont get family support...the isolation makes it so much harder. x
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