1. Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by maybe at Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:37 am

    I cared for my mother for some years. She died 3 three months ago. I now find myself more alone, more isolated, more anxious, more worried, more desperate.

    I keep thinking everyday that I need to find a job but the very thought of trying to go out there and "sell" myself both daunting and dispiriting. I would rather curl up in a ball and simply hope it will all go away.

    I can barely breath sometimes with the amount of anxiety I feel, the lack of hope for the future, the thought that I could well have years to live with no real purpose or desire.

    At the moment it's all I can do to keep on going and the real reason I do is that I have 2 dogs I love ridiculously and know I am the only person prepared to love them like this.

    Anyone else here in the same situation?

  2. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by 24-7 at Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:01 am


    I am not in your position but perhaps could suggest that you go to your GP and tell him/her how anxious you are feeling. It is still quite a recent bereavement. Your whole world has changed. Probably like me you did not do the least wee thing without thinking how will this affect the caree. Caring involves giving up your life so that your caree is well cared for and it becomes such a habit that we get to the point where we dont know how to do anything for ourselves. I think you may need some extra time before you try to return to a normal life (whatever that is)

    Take care of you


  3. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by maybe at Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:50 am

    Thanks for the reply 24/7. I've been to my GP who was helpful. Seems like I'm just going to have to get through this as best I can. Hope all is well with you.

  4. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by avidreader at Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:35 pm

    hi maybe,
    as beth says it is still raw berevement takes time,it only a yr since my gran died,although i was not her carer it hit me hard as were very close,there are no should or shouldnot ways of dealing with things,just take one day at a time,rest,sleep.and try to eat well,think of the good times,im sorry for your loss and just wanted to say there are lots of people on here you can talk to,
    from tracy x

  5. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by mag101 at Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:46 pm

    Hi Maybe

    In answer to your question - yes there are former carers who are members of this site. Of course early days and very difficult to adjust from the all-consuming caring role. I look after my husband and realise that my whole live revolves around his care so I am not in a position to give advice from my own experience.

    Do you know of any bereavement support websites in Australia - would you find that helpful? Here in UK there is an organisation called Cruse - maybe their website would interest you?

    Just a thought - here in UK we have lots of charities badly in need to help by volunteers, eg charity shops where, by giving a little time you can meet others and regain confidence.

    You have valuable experience and have so much to offer - please stay in touch with us and above all look after yourself too.

    Mag xx

  6. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by ena1 at Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:26 pm

    I can well imagine how you feel Maybe. When (if) my caring days are over it often crosses my mind what I would do, I think there are many in this position, given up their lives for decades & put everybody first, they forget about their own needs. If I stopped caring now (age 53) I would be put on jobseekers allowance, what chance have I of getting a job, what do I put on a cv after 22 years caring.

    Try to think of yourself, what did you used to like doing before you started caring, you may find you haven't changed that much. I have a dog too, other dog lovers will always be interested, is there a dog club near you or people often meet for fundraising & sponsored dog walks etc, or is there an animal shelter that needs help.

  7. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by littlelamb at Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:32 am

    I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my partner just over 3 months ago and am finding life very hard. Not made easy by his family being very difficult and nasty. Cannot go into detail here but it is not very nice and I am not being given time to grieve or decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I find I dont want to go out anymore. We used to go out somewhere every day when he was mobile but now there is no point in going. I hardly went out at all for the last 4 months of his life and now I just cant be bothered most days. Very soon I will have to move away and that will be very hard to do. Hope you will feel better soon.

  8. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by Jennifer 1 at Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:38 am

    I have to go to work right now,but it will be nice to talk to you later,I understand how you feel,and I know at this time how lonely you are feeling.
    talk later love,and I hope I can help in some way or another.
    love Jenni xxx

  9. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by swissmiss at Thu Sep 01, 2011 1:50 pm

    Grieving takes a long turtuous journey. Mine is especially intense and complicated but even with Dad, who passed last year with cancer, I had a dip at 5 months so it wasnt even progressively better over time. All I can say is that how you feel now isnt how you will feel forever. Have you contacted Cruse bereavement? Usually they advise waiting 2 or 3 months before having bereavement counselling anyway. Sometimes that helps especially if you get a counsellor you like.
    I find how you approach living affects how it impacts. Last weekend a few things went wrong culminating in an aggressive driver having a go and I wanted to join Neil more intensely than ever. It is important, I think, to not let the baddest times make you think life is not working or worth living. Not at all easy.
    Making a time and place to cry helps. Giving yourself permission. It is amazing how low I can feel in the depths of an emotional crisis and then how much calmer afterwards. I do feel my loved ones with me as I am sensitive to touch and smell and thoughts from them which helps. Neil puts songs in my head to cheer and comfort me!!!
    The lack of caring leaves a huge void to fill and the grief is very good at pouring into that hole!!
    Karen xx

  10. Re: Is anyone here a post carer?

    Posted by littlelamb at Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:07 pm

    Thanks Jenni.
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