1. What to do?

    Posted by ena1 at Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:59 am

    I've come up against a brick wall & can't see any future for either of us. I've gone into meltdown over the past couple of weeks & it's had an effect on my son. Both feeling a bit better now but can't see any way forward, it gave me a kick up the backside & made me realise we can't go on the way we are. Being a carer nakes it difficult to take up new interests like they suggest, any suggestions as to what to do without going down the social services route? I'm seeing things clear & stark at the moment & it doesn't look too promising. I feel I'm too young just to give up & since my son became an adult it feels as if everybody has given up on both of us.

  2. Re: What to do?

    Posted by suejane at Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:30 am

    Hello ena how are you today? Well what did you enjoy when you were at school? Languages, ?Art? Can you draw or paint i wish i could.Langauge lessons are free on the BBC and you learn alot. Dont give up you can do things.Walking, running?You can also meet people that way. I will try to think of other things. Hugs let me know how you get on? xxxLove jane in Cardiff :)

  3. Re: What to do?

    Posted by suejane at Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:31 am

    ps any Carers groups nearby?

  4. Re: What to do?

    Posted by swissmiss at Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:16 am

    Hi Ena
    I have had a bad time lately and I think when you come out of the worst you feel the need to take control by taking decisive action in some way. Small steps are probably the way as drastic ones will leave you both shattered? I am thinking of trying another carers group this week. The other thing we havent used in a while is Crossroads Care for a break as I wasnt confident Ali wouldnt melt down while I was out. Do you have Crossroads? Try and make two things you do in the next week where you can talk to ohers and get a break from the tension? The carers group may give you some ideas about how to get your son into activities without the dreaded SS??? I have an idea I havent used myself yet..am waiting till we move.....sounds good? Why not give them a ring?Be interesting to hear what they might do to help????
    Karen :)

  5. Re: What to do?

    Posted by jaye2080 at Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:13 pm

    Hi ena,
    I try very hard not to look into my future as i really don't like what i see there. One day at a time is enough for me to cope with. But sometimes it's necessary to have a big shake up to get out of the ruts we fall into so easily.
    My situation will be very different to yours, but i expect we have much the same needs. When my husband became ill all real conversation between us was lost, and since he wasn't making any sense to anybody friends all dropped off too, thats when i became isolated. I was trying to exist in a world where nothing happened, nothing changed, we went nowhere and did nothing.
    Something had to change. And the only person who could make those changes was me.
    So I worked out exactly what i did want, i needed to be able to hold a proper sensible conversation. It doesn't sound like much to ask for does it? But i had to work hard to find a way of doing it that fitted in with my caring role.
    I did find my way round it, it didn't go down to well with my husband at first, but i stuck with it and now my going out for a couple of hours one night a week is not an issue, although i do admit that when my husband is really bad i do hurry home a whole lot quicker, but thats life.

    All i can suggest is that you also work out what you really want change, be specific about what your needs are, once you narrow the field down inspiration might take over and the seemingly impossible suddenly looks as if it might be possible.

    All the best ena

  6. Re: What to do?

    Posted by swissmiss at Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:24 am

    Hi Ena
    I came in to say...and Jaye said it already...try and find a time, once a week, for 2 or 3 hours, where you can go and do something for you. Its not much but it makes a big difference.
    Karen :-)
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