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  1. Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by ena1 at Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:54 am

    How does anybody cope with aggressive behaviour from their carees? My son has beaten me up twice this week while I've been driving the car, I had to get the police twice & once they escorted us home, but they seem to think it's a joke & won't be able to do anything. Driving was the only thing that kept me sane, now I'l be stuck with a car that I can't drive with him in it (he's here mostly 24/7) He's had these temper flare ups before but it's usually in the house & I can walk out of the room. I spoke to the doctor & he mentioned the dreaded LD team again, so we've gone full circle. What the hell can I do, I just don't see any way out or point in carrying on at the moment.

  2. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by swissmiss at Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:36 pm

    (((HUGS)))) Ena
    It is the worst thing...I can cope with anything so long as Ali is happy. First thing is to see it as a chemical reaction not a personal attack.Then work out how to treat the bad chemicals which are causing it. We have had nearly 18 months with Ali flaring up and hitting himself. He doesnt ever hit me but one way I have found of breaking the flare up is to raise my voice...after months of staying calm and trying to not react and absorb the aggression I ran out of tolerance and strength and did this instinctively but found it worked...I shout basically to shock him out of it and if he reacts aggressively I ask him if he wants to hit me?...then I immediately tell him I love him and am doing it to help him and we sit and hug for about an hour. The LD team have been flipping useless. But then I have always been determined not to put him on anitpsychotic or hugely sedating drugs.
    So, I paid to see a nutritionist and we have worked on his diet to stabilise his blood sugar levels as peaks and troughs cause flareups. Then we have given him some good quality vitamins and minerals and acidophilis to balance his gut. We have tried a fish oil product..Stabilium...which worked well. He had it for a couple of months and we immediately noticed he was calmer. it controls mood in an uplifting mind enhancing way rather than by sedating. He has been off it a week and is now fine without it. His concentration is back so he can work off frustration through games which he had all but stopped playing and he is choosing music he wants to listen to which he uses to manage his moods. I also buy a melatonin spray from the Detox people which helps him go to sleep if he is buzzing at bedtime and I have invested in a weighted blanket which helps him sleep. Trouble is it costs money and the NHS dont help. The other thing is that the over the counter vitamins and minerals we bought before from Boots or Holland and Barrett were pathetically weak compared with the ones we now buy especially in terms of B Vitamins and fish oils.
    If this is a new recurrence I am sure it can be helped. The problem with Ali is that I have to find the answers..he just reacts to the problem!
    Take care
    Karen x :)

  3. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by swissmiss at Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:38 pm

    I forgot to mention that I have found giving Ali plenty of water or diluted juice to drink helps keep or make him calm..two glasses whenever he has a flareup. I also found Holy Basil or Tulsi...instantly calms him and I think as time goes on it helps him see that the feeling is temporary and he relaxes into it rather than react against it?
    Karen x

  4. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by ena1 at Sun Sep 23, 2012 7:56 am

    I've more or less given up now, I just feel like a punchbag. His brother & father dissppeared for good & can't be traced, any other family vanished long ago. I just don't see any future for either of us. At least if I could drive we got out to see something. Plus I've got a courtcase from DWP over my head.

  5. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by swissmiss at Sun Sep 23, 2012 1:32 pm

    If I can keep resurrecting myself I am sure you can Ena. You are of course perfectly entitled to feel the way you do..anger is a natural response to crap. I am struggling like mad myself at the moment. I am sure its not me..Angus assures me its not..but why am I alone and why does noone want to know or help? It must be me? Mustnt it?
    Whats the DWP case for????
    Karen x :)

  6. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by ena1 at Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:11 pm

    I've done the ressurection thing one to may times, perhaps this is the time someone is saying call a halt, I've never been on the receiving end of violence before, I feel like a cowering dog, trouble is the police were nice to him - 'it's not nice to hit mummy' anybody else would have been put in a cell so he thinks it's a bit of a game. What when the GP refers LD team & then we get SS walking all over our lives. Been there, done it (several), no intention of doing it again. Not a lot left is there.

  7. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by ena1 at Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:16 pm

    The DWP case is about me having undisclosed earnings when it was in fact my son's benefits being paid in for who I am the appointee. I appealed to tell the all this but the appeal had been thrown out.

  8. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by swissmiss at Sun Sep 23, 2012 6:41 pm

    Idiots! It should explain itself shouldnt it??? They know where his benefits are paid to. Did they do a check on your bank account then? I have Alis paid into my account as I havent yet got around to doing the POA.
    Perhaps you need a "restbite" break? When it got bad we had some emergency respite..the first respite ever. It not only gave me a break from it but it reset the boundaries. Do you get any time apart from each other. We dont just now but it does you good. I wemnt out this afternoon for a spiritual reading and Ali was fine with Angus...first time I've left them in ages. Probably did them as much good as it did me!?
    It doesnt mean anything is over when you reach the end of your tether it just means you need a break and a change of life balance. I'll let you know when I've completed that journey but am not giving up yet!
    Karen x :)

  9. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by ena1 at Sun Sep 23, 2012 6:48 pm

    Dear Karen, I tried to say earlier that my mom did what your husband did but I deleted it, my fingers are not working.I am at a make or break situation this week, it is at their mercy or on my owm

  10. Re: Aggressive Behaviour

    Posted by swissmiss at Mon Sep 24, 2012 1:30 am

    Hi Ena
    You must tell them you need emergency respite. The problem can be that you both get past coping and the situation escalates. You sound at your wits end which is no surprise and it is not time to make important decisions about the future. tell them you are exhausted and you must have respite. When you are recovered then think about the future. There was a time this year when I could ahve given Ali up to their care for good. Now I am so glad he is with me. However tonight he looked at me so angelically with his big dark eyes [his Dad's eyes] and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of his vulnerability and concern for how he will live if I am ill or worse which I know means that I have to find some better solution.
    Please tell me about your Mum. Suicide is so much more common than you realise but families have a tendency to feel ashamed which they shouldnt.It hurts, you cant help but feel rejected or guilt but it is an irrational decision taken when they arent feeling and thinking properly. I had a beautiful reading today. First Mum came as she does due to her Dementia which means we have communication we cannot have face to face, then Dad pushed in past Neil and then Neil. She commented that Neil was a pragmatist and I couldnt help but say that perhaps deciding to take your own life is a pragmatic decision! It is at the time you make it but the moment its done sadly as Neil realised it was the wrong one.
    Try an get some sleep. What are you going to do tomorrow?
    Take care Ena
    Karen xx :)
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