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  1. Thinking of you all

    Posted by maybe at Sat Aug 18, 2012 6:36 am

    Hello everyone,

    I was a carer for my mother who died last year. It's been a while since I last posted but I think of you all often and am continually grateful both to the people who run this site and to you, the carers, both past and present who kept me going.

    This was the site and you are the people I could talk to when life seemed overwhelming and I needed someone I could talk to who understood.

    I'm not sure when caring will be recognised for it's true worth - by governments or friends and family - not any time soon I imagine - but from one past carer to those still doing the hard yards, I wish you all the best. I can only hope you can keep going.

  2. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by mama pud at Sat Aug 18, 2012 8:29 am

    Hello there,

    It is lovely to see you back on here.

    I too lost my mum in February of this year, but still read these boards. Shortly after that, I posted about my grief, but got told by Jenny to 'snap out of it'. That was a real kick in the teeth, and I have not posted on here since, and probably will not post after this.

    It was such a nice surprise to see you, and I hope that you are keeping as well as you can xxx

    I feel as if I now want to do something to help carers, but don't know where to start.

    Take care,

    Love, Rosy xxx

  3. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by lynba2 at Sat Aug 18, 2012 12:05 pm

    rosy was wondering where you went as i hadnt seen any post from you for ages please come on anytime you want hun if even just to say hello different people cope with grief differently and im sorry that you were upset by any remarks anyone said but you were and are one of the carers that really cared and i have missed you as have probably the others hun you have a lot to give others on here with caring for your mum lyn xxxxxps maybe its also good to see you back on the boards hun xxx

  4. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by swissmiss at Sat Aug 18, 2012 6:26 pm

    Hi both of you! Lovely to hear from you both again. How are you getting on? My Mum is in hospital..she had a nasty fall probably pushed by another resident in her home and now has a severe chest infection. The doctor isnt sure that she will pull through but to be honest she is a fighter and might well surprise everyone yet. It is one day at a time. Just so hard as its me and my boys and noone else and it stirs up all our feelings of loss again.
    Karen x :-)

  5. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by 24-7 at Sat Aug 18, 2012 8:57 pm

    Hi All

    I have just logged in today as I stopped coming here after my dad died in January 2012. I cant understand the nastiness of any carer or former carer telling MamaPud to snap out of it. [**Edited by the online support team**].

    I am glad to hear that you are still around Mama Pud and Maybe. You too Swissmiss and Lynba. I hope all is going well for you in your new lives Mama Pud and Maybe. Sorry to hear about you mum Swissmiss. Good advise Lynba.
    I best say nothing about how badly I took my father's death or I will be next to be told to snap out of it. Caring for our loved ones was our whole lives and instead of being snapped at we should be pampered.


  6. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by swissmiss at Sat Aug 18, 2012 11:31 pm

    I havent had any pampering since losing Neil apart from my two lovely boys who as you know are Autistic. It has been so tough especially as my youngest has been uncontrollably hitting himself night and day and the NHS and SS have as per usual let us down. I do tend to feel sorry for myself..being on my own, losing Neil the way i did and so young...and yet there are many people out there coping with similar or worse who are alone. I have been wondering today how they get through? I am told i am strong but I dont feel it. The pain and heartache has wracked my mind and body so hard that I dont know why I am still here. Everyone is different and every situation is different but if anyone has any suggestions I would be grateful.
    I do feel for Jennifer because I know she was left on her own having cared for and lost her husband and father-in-law. I am full of admiration for her for how after a few months of suffering she managed to make herself go out and work in caring and use her expertise to make a difference. It cant have been easy. For her it was right, it was what she had to do and perhaps she isnt as strong as people think? Sometimes the strain of coping has to show and I dont think she meant harm even though it was sharp and early days for Rosie. Please lets try and be gentle with each other?
    Karen xx :):)

  7. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by ena1 at Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:28 am

    How nice to see some of the old crowd back on here, you have helped me so much when I needed it. Remember carers who have lost loved ones are invaluable to those of us who are still plodding on, we take comfort in you being here.

    As for ex-carers now working professionally, I don't think I would be able to do it, we gave our lives over to caring but working in the NHS/agency sector would mean not being able to care for the people to the standard we did as unpaid carers. There seems to be a heartlessness in professional carers.

  8. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by 24-7 at Sun Aug 19, 2012 12:34 pm

    Hello Ena1
    Lovely to see you again. Hope things are a bit calmer for you now and/or that you are coping with whatever is coming your way. Really I hope that you are having a calmer time of it all.

    Hi Swissmiss
    I know to be gentle with people particularly those who are having a bad time. One of the problems I had was that I was losing my dad, I had been told that he would not be coming home and if he survived this he would need to be in a Nursing Home, I was then told that he had no chance now and that they were putting him on end of life care. A nurse who knew that I was at the end of my tether trying to cope at home with my dad took it into her head that it would be "fun" to wind me up about my dad being sent home. In the last 24 hours of his life I decided that it was only blood family who would be able to visit my dad. A nosey neighbour arrived at the hospital I saw her and told staff again that I had said only family visitors. By this time my father had been moved to a single room and my elder daughter and I had stayed for 36 hours. This neighbour was not told by family that my dad was in a single room yet she barged into the room. When my dad died this same nurse came into the room put her hands on her hips struck a pose and walked out. Such is the level of scum purporting to be a nurse in a geriatric unit!! Then when I got home another neighbour called at my father's house after having found out from my crying younger daughter that my father had died. This neighbour's opening statement was "heard your dad died, where is he? up the stairs? aye? next line was "what are you doing with the house? Bear in mind this was about 5 hours after my dad died. That neighbour works part time as a receptionist at a doctor's surgery and part time as a phlebotamist in a hospital. Again a wonderful representative of the ignorant conduct of an NHS employee. A few weeks after my dad died a neighbour over the fence said I was bullying her because I asked about having the joint fence repaired. I have to point out this female is about 32 years of age and 5 feet 8 I am 60 and only 5 feet. She is a student nurse and also works as an auxilliary nurse in the District Nurses. This is my experience of the "highly paid professional carers". I was totally disgusted and I hope I never have to be in the care of the likes of that level of ignorant scum. Jennifer was wrong to say "snap out of it" to anyone. She knows the pain of loss. I also lost my ex husband/best friend in April 2011 and my dad in January 2012 and I would never say snap out of it to anyone because I actually CARE about my fellow carers and those who have lost their carees and just dont know what hit them. We lose our dad/mum, our closest companion and our job. Our whole reason for being is gone and we do not need one who is supposed to be one of us being so nasty.
    Just my view after having had the above experiences. I have now been diagnosed with 3 permanent life long illnesses since my dad died and I have not had a pleasant word from those paid to care. [**Edited by the online support team**]

    We did it for the love of our carees, not the fortune or the accolade, because there is none.

    24-7 :?

  9. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by Online support team at Sun Aug 19, 2012 1:50 pm

    Hi all,

    It really is lovely to hear from some of you again; and we're especially glad to see those of you who have lost loved ones recently.

    As you can see, we've had to edit a couple of posts in this discussion, because although we understand the feelings behind some of the points made, some comments verged on personal attacks, which goes against the ethos of our community as a warm and welcoming place for all carers.

    We were aware of the incident referred to at the time, and we know that further explanations and apologies were made. However, we remain very sorry that something like that ever happened to one of our community members.

    Rosie, Maybe and 24-7, you have been in our thoughts, because we understand how difficult the days have been for you all, after your sad losses.

    Please take special care of yourselves everyone,

    Online support team,

  10. Re: Thinking of you all

    Posted by 24-7 at Sun Aug 19, 2012 2:45 pm

    Hi Online Support Team

    I would like to know why it has been edited out that I would not like to be in the care of the type of person I saw being in professional care jobs as I thought their conduct was not that of a person who cared about anyone. It seems to me that this is relevant as I was a carer for many years but due to the treatment of the "professional" carers I would not want to be cared for by them nor would I want my children to be the same carer to me as I was to my dad as I would not want them put through the trials and tribulations I had from the so called "professional" carers. I would also say that the local carers office were too dependant on Social Services for giving them free offices for that carers' office to properly back up their member. The manager saw the type of letter I got from Social Services ie. there is nothing wrong with your father (dated end June 2008) and the Medical Alert card stating that my dad had had Heart Surgery on 10 July 2008.
    You can check the records of this site, I was so stressed out that I started a thread entitled "Forced to Care" I could not get help from anyone.
    The heading above is
    I also met the manager when my daughter and I went to Social Work office to challenge a Social Worker who would do nothing for my father even though it turned out to be a failed discharge 8 weeks before his death. This male Social worker was a 6 foot man and I was aged 59 and still only 5 feet.
    I am bitter, very bitter about the difficulties I faced. I turned to anyone I thought could help but no-one ever could.
    The result is that I was left money some of which was for charitable purposes and due to the failure of the above mentioned manager there will be no donation to Carers charities. I would prefer to see action against sloppy social workers and others who do not help carers care as part of your organisation and definitely not trying to get the carer to accept the social work stance which constantly proves to be so wrong.

    PS It will be interesting to see if I get bumped off this site because of my outspoken post
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