Parents or Carers?

Replies

By Alice

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 10:25

Hi Chorlton
If you don,t want to be classed as a carer, what are you doing on this site ? do you claim carers allowance. ?
I am proud to be called a Carer.

By EL

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 12:45

here here, i am a parent who is a "carer" to my son and his disabilities, if i didn't "care" for him he would be getting help from the authorities who would provide a "carer". I dont understand where you are coming from or how you care for your child, but im pretty sure i can speak for all of us "carers" on this carers.org web site that we do not care for our child in a planned, cold, committee-based, no-risk, rule book fashion, on the contrary we love and care for our child in a warm, loving, empathic 'fashion', rule books merely serve to give advice and tips, which we choose too or not too follow. We all want our child/children to have the best possible life they can have, and we work bloody hard as parents and"carers" to ensure this.You are a parent yes, but you are also a "carer" you would not be on this site otherwise would you?

By EL

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 12:48

P.S when i am asked what i do for a living i always answer, "i am a full time carer to my son and husband" and im bloody well proud of it. No one works harder than us carers cheers to us all

By Eagle

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 13:34

I AGREE chorlton i had the very same argument with a social worker who when my son was 2 years old tried everything in the book to make us accept respite. recently had the same argument when applied for direct payments for personal care so son wouldnt have to get up at 7am when not in school. Because I didnt want someone to 'take over' it was deemed he didnt really need the help!

As for WHY im on this site since turning 16 it has suddenly occurred to me this is for life and I suppose as he is almost an adult im beginning to see myself as a 'carer' after all. It makes me feel really bad to admit im now a 'carer' not just his mum.

wether you see yourself as a parent first or a 'carer' is irrelevant we are all entitled to help and support in caring for our loved ones.

I dont believe chorlton suggested in any way that 'carer' was of a lesser status.

By Tricia

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 14:25

I view myself as being a parent/carer neither one more important than the other when it comes to my son's needs. He will always have me as his mother and shall always have me as his carer as he has a life long disability.

Maybe I have having a learing difficulty moment as I am finding it difficult to understand for someone to dislike the wording learning difficulties yet uses the word HANDICAPPED.

By doug

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 14:49

im not surprised that chorlton feels that way ive come across carers who feel ashamed to be carers
why i dont know some people in authority treat you like something under your feet and they dont recognize you for what you are i dont have children
which im very sad about but looking after my wife is
like looking after one i have to bathe her make her meals sometimes feed her change her nappies
if she gets soiled wash her clothes when they get soiled deal with tantrums etc etc when i go to doctors
husband/carer and proud of it i dont use the word disabled if anyone asks i just say she is ill
i could go on on on but i wont

By trek1071a

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 17:29

Yes I very proud to be call a carer/parent first with my son for 14 years

Now I carer for a friend of mind who has Parkinson’s disease. The hours are long and sometimes I feel like given it all up just to feel like a normal person.

But I am not ashamed to be call a carer after all, I be at it too long now to do anything else.

By kerry.

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 17:36

Hi Chorlton
people have fought for many years for recognition for the important (and indeed cost effective) way we provide this extra special service.
you are not a 'formal' carer- you are an 'informal' or unpaid carer.
Yes of course we all 'care for' our children/partners/parents etc etc but it is not usual for a 9 yr old to need literally 24/7 supervision.
when i was 9 i could go swimming at the local leisure centre with my friends on the bus- i cannot let my sons (aged 9 and 11) into the garden without me being there.

our duties go so far beyond 'caring' that i dont think there is another word for it other than what it is; carer.

when we have children, in the great scheme of things, we expect sleepless nights, possibly for the first couple of yrs, maybe longer- however we do not expect to be clearing up our 11 yr old bed/ bedroom/ walls/ him etc at 2am cos hes soiled. we do not expect to be getting by on around 3 hrs sleep a night because we dont even know how to sleep anymore...
we do not expect that we will still be buying elastic trousers as they cannot do zips/buttons/ belts or shoes with velcro as they cannot do laces.
and we do not expect this to be forever.

I could go on chorlton about the endless and untold extra roles and responsibilites we, as CARERS, of our children need to perfom daily but i trust i have made my point....

I am a parent.
I am a university student
I am a friend to many
I am a daughter
I am an advisor
I am a chief cook and bottle washer
I am complex
I have many needs/desires/plans/dreams and wishes

but most importantly I am a carer- the clue is in the title....
I CARE.

By kerry.

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 17:39

one more thing chorlton if i may be so bold...
you say 'handicapped son': Surely you should be saying son with a handicap... the person comes before the handicap.

I actually loathe and detest the word handicap and use the term disability...
My sons have a disability
I do not have disabled sons.

By Chorlton

Re: Parents or Carers?
Fri 16 May 2008 18:29

Good range of views, thanks.

We suppose we should agree 100% that our son is not "handicapped" - it's an old term that just trotted out. He does not have "learning difficulties" either - but others choose to give him that title, along with "disabled".

We actually see our son as we see our daughters. Our children. And yes, we care for them, all of them, as they all do us.

However my rant was about the difference between caring (a carer) and being seen and treated as a formal Carer (note the uppercase "C") and the way the authorities pay scant regard to the wider care and love that our son is entitled to. The kind of love than encompasses the whole lot.

So about the way we seem to be treated by the authorities as formal "Carers" as if we are employed by them and have to conform to all the silly rules they impose on their employees. Rules that bring the quality of life for our son to the lowest possible ebb. For example, don't take him in the car for journeys more than an hour; give him a cuppa but it must be the consistency of yoghurt; don't lift him, use a hoist. Our son has enough problems as it is living his life without further nonsense.