Don't know what to do....

Replies

By Michele

Re: Don't know what to do....
Tue 15 Apr 2008 19:07

Hi star,

Alcohol issues can be really difficult to talk about with friends and familiy - but I'm sure you'll get some advice and find people to talk to here, whatever their caring roles.

Just thought it was worth letting you know that on Thursday 8 May 7-8pm we are having a web chat with Dr Checinski, an expert on drug and alcohol issues. He will be coming into the chat room to meet carers and talk to them about these sort of problems. Come and join us, if you can...

Best wishes,

Michele

By star66

Re: Don't know what to do....
Tue 15 Apr 2008 19:10

Thanks Michelle, i will try and join the chat room.
Hardly anyone knows about Wernicke - Korsakoffs syndrome, they just know about liver problems caused by drinking....brain damage is never mentioned.

By mag

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 11:04

Hi Star

You are experiencing the isolation felt by so many Carers, no matter how different our caring roles are. It would be helpful if you could talk to family members, brothers/sisters? or a trusted friend - just so that you are not carrying all of this alone.

The chat room on this site is an excellent way of meeting others and realising how much we all have in common. I haven't been in chat much recently due to caring demands, health issues and the fact that my computer(lifeline) was playing up and eventually needed new hard drive - lol I could do with a new hard drive myself!

I have no knowledge of your dad's medical condition but hope you can take part in the hosted chat Michele mentioned.

In the meantime, please join chat room and feel the support of other Carers - there are usually people in chat every evening from approx 7.30 pm.

Kind regards - Mag

By kerry.

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 12:19

hi Star,
regarding records kept at the dox. these should be confidential anyway.
also if you are a carer you have rights in employment. and maybe you should get social services involved to do you a carers assessment of need.

so many times, especially it seems on here, people dont have a carers assessment, and its really quite vital that you do get one form the social worker.

good luck.
you have nothing to be ashamed of regarding this condition and talking to your family. why should it be your responsibility alone?????????????

i know its a really old chiche but a problem shared is most often a problem halved. i hope you find the courage to chat to your family.
Kerry

By maggiep

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 12:55

Hi Star
Actually you probably are coping better than you think. It is very normal that you'd feel exactly the way you do when you have to care for your dad and he has korsakoffs. I'd be just as stressed especially as he still drinks. The problem is he probably won't want to change or have any belief that he has a problem I have been in nursing since 1974 and when doing community nursing saw many patients with your dad's problem. It was always hardest on the family. The patient was usually in denial and continued the alcohol if able. It is true as your doctor said that eating well and taking vit b is all that they can offer as treatment once the damage is done to the brain. You will need the support of family and friends and at some point they will need to know what is happening. What and how you tell them I guess depends on your situation. For your sanity though it'd be helpful to have someone you can talk to as your dad's condition worsens. People at work may not understand what you will be going through and if you are not eating or sleeping well you'll end up getting sick yourself. In one way taking care of yourself is probably the most important thing.

Don't worry about your GP saying your stressed or depressed as it is confidential and in your case a doctor would expect you to feel that way given what is happening with you and your dad at the moment. Being stressed, tired, confused, angry, tired or any other emotions are NORMAL so you shouldn't feel judged or that you are gong 'mad' or that it will go on your record. As for anti depressants it's a case of deciding if you may need them . They can be of help and you shouldn't feel guilty if you do end up using them. Are you able to get a referral for a counsellor or social worker to help you sort out what needs to happen. Sometimes having a plan and someone to help get things organised can take a lot of the stress away. I can't offer any help for UK health services being in Australia but I found a psychologist very helpful in guiding me in sorting out my feelings when I cared for my dad. I wish you all the best. Take care of your needs first and you'll be able to help or arrange help for your dad.

By big moma

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 18:54

hi, i'm sorry you feel alone, so many of us do. Go see your doc and if necessary give the anti-depressents a try. I too look after my dad bless him, hes 82 and still misses my mum. I've been on the anti's for a year and they've helpped me cope. Just haveing a moan helps and we're all here to listen, so get it off your chest and then breath a sigh of relief.

By loopy

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 20:44

hi there, the docs records are kept confidential so no one will know if you take anti depressants. Believe me, anti depressants do take the edge off your worries and they are not addictive if taken in the right manner. Have you got anyone you can confide in at work about the probs you are having? You cant carry all this burden on your shoulders. It sometimes helps to have a chat with your GP and see what help is available for your dad and for you.
take care
Lisa

By star66

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 22:23

Thanks to everyone that has replied...
I haven't got any brothers or sisters and neither has my dad. His parents died as has his best friend. He has a couple of cousins in this country (who don't bother to ask how he is or visit - even when he was in hosp for 33 wks 4 yrs ago) the rest of his family (elderly aunts and uncles and cousins live abroad). My parents are divorced but my mum has been really good and helps me where she can BUT she has a full time job too and helps to care for her mum. She knows the diagnosis but i can't tell her how i'm feeling because she has enough problems.
I did go to the GP today who said i had 'anxiety' ....I played down a lot of my symptoms and so it wasn't very useful going! I think the work thing has tipped me over the edge this week because normally i am ok but I know i need to talk to someone about my dad because if i can't cope now than i won't cope in a few months when he is worse! Its hard because he has already been in 24hr care for 2 yrs and then the social worker rehoused him with carers supporting him (what little they do for him!) and i don't want to go all through that again!!
I told the social worker last week i was finding things really difficult, that he was getting worse (confabulating more and more unsteady) and that he'd had a fall, carers not helping etc and he just said 'thanks for letting me know, phone me if he gets any worse!!'
Thanks for letting me moan....

By westener1

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 22:29

hi star66 if you contact the stroke association you will find them very supportive, wernicke-korsakoffs syndrome sometimes develope together making either one more difficult to diagnose,its a neurological condition hence the help of the stroke association, my uncle had this condition.
you must make other members of your family aware of his condition and what it is doing to you although you are coping better than you think,there is no shame in this condition people need to be made more aware of it, hope this is of some use to you,each case will be different so don't compere your dads case to anyone elses.
i wish you well we are here for you.
anything on your gp notes is completly confidential and therefore no employer will know of any medical problems you may have. take care.

By star66

Re: Don't know what to do....
Wed 16 Apr 2008 22:35

Thanks -
I think the problem is that i didn't believe the diagnosis originally (i do now!) becausethe psychologist at the time thought it was 'unlikely' so by the time they agreed the diagnosis i felt a bit stupid and so didn't want to tell anyone (other than my mum, best friend and my then boyf)...and that was four yrs ago. I know it's really stupid but it's like i've blocked it out about the alcohol a lot of the time, i guess that was my way of dealing with it...