High functioning Autism

Replies

By moonstar

Re: High functioning Autism
Wed 2 Apr 2008 22:26

Hi

Im also a single parent of an 11 year old boy with ASD diagnosed 2 years ago. We have been on our own for 5 years. He also has other problems, some associated with his autism and some physical problems.

My ex-husband actually got his Solicitor to request written proof from specialist who diagnosed our son, that he had autism and that I wasnt making it up to get sympathy and more money in our divorce!!!

He has nothing to do with my son and nor do his family. I am originally from England but have lived in Northern Ireland for last 11 years. My family are all in England still. My parents found it hard to come to terms with it at first, as they only have two grandchildren (mine is the youngest) but they have got used to his ways, and if anything love him more as he is their "special boy". The rest of my family are also very accepting of him - especially his 16 year old cousin.

All you can do is state the facts to your ex and his family and hope in time they will accept him as he is, because if they cant they are losing out on a very special child.

I also worry about what would happen to my son if anything happens to me, but try not to dwell on it - hopefully that is a long time in the future.

It might be worth looking at the National Autistic Society website www.nas.org.uk

They have lots of information and it may be of help to you. They produce information leaflets on many aspects of austism and how to deal with many of the day to day things that can cause problems, including (if my memory serves me correctly) how to explain the condition to other people - might be a handy one to present to the ex-family!!

Sorry to ramble on...

Please know that you are doing the very best for your son.

I send you and your (very special) son best wishes.

Its tough - but you can do it!!!

Take care

By AutismSpeaksForRiley

Re: High functioning Autism
Thu 3 Apr 2008 12:48

Thanks for your reply. I have been quite involved with nas and the kent autistic society, they actually produced a document from the website, specifically aimed at granparents, which i sent to my ex- inlaws, to no avail. to make matters worse, my ex mother in law is a teacher but now works as a tutor (home) and has a boy with aspergers as one of her students, and im not sure she means it in a derogortary manner, but often makes little comments about this boy.
I also had a solicitors letter drawn up, but not at the request of my ex husband- he ignored this letter and continues to glaze over the subject or develop that " i want to roll my eyes at you" look.
Thanks for your response, im sorry to hear that your sons father has no contact, he is , as you say, missing out on the chance to be part of a very special boys life! madness......

By kerry.

Re: High functioning Autism
Thu 3 Apr 2008 22:05

Hi ASFRiley,
Bloody men eh!
and bloody inlaws...

my mum in law was the same over my boys (still is a little bit) until she started to experience things, like their tempers and so on ans the fact they were behind her younger grand kids.
but still, she adores them and they are her extra special grand sons.
it has been a battle tho with mine and my blokes parenting skills being challenged and questioned at every step... once even telling me to put youngest in care where he would be "loved and understood properly" !!!!!

your ex and in laws probably dont want to admit there is a problem as that will open up a can of worms for them.... especially now geneticists are claiming autism is genetic and comes from the bloke hahahahahaha.

i can understand your fears but fundamentally if they love him he wont come to any harm, emotionally i mean. Just keep doing what youre doing, passing on info etc and stick to your guns hon.

good luck

By AutismSpeaksForRiley

Re: High functioning Autism
Thu 3 Apr 2008 22:15

Hi kerry! thanks so much. Honestly, the Do love him, but i guess im a little strong willed in having EVERYTHING about my son accepted, as i cherish him and everything about him, as i'm sure u understand. and haha kudos to the genetic man thing! my ex husband actually used to do some very " autistic" things as a child! Im facing another problem now, with the teachers. I want to have my son statemented and they beieve he is coping well, which is great, but he is 6 and we have a long stretch of road ahead of us. I'm not sure how long your sons have been diagnosed for, but i think because it was only a year ago for me...although i always knew there was something " wonderfully unique" about him, that i tend to be very deffensive and in my sons corner. Not sure if thats a common thing for parents of asd children or if it is just my strong will hahah. :)

By moonstar

Re: High functioning Autism
Fri 4 Apr 2008 02:21

Hi

My son was diagnosed 2 years ago. He was already Statemented for Moderate Learning Difficulties and dyspraxia, so when diagnosed Statement just amended.

He was started on IEPs when he was in primary 2 (equivalent to 2nd year infants) and then went through all the stages and he had his Statement about 18 months later.

He was in mainstream until he was 8 and a half and then transferred to the schools MLD Unit, which was best thing I e ver did. He leaves there in June and on to Secondary School also (hopefully to an MLD Unit).

Im also very defensive about my son - any time I used to go into school when he was in mainstream could almost sense them rolling their eyes and thinking "what this time?"
They need us to fight for them - they cant do it for themselves . Much better now though - staff in Unit a lot more approachable and want to let you know whats happening.

Good luck with getting your son Statemented.

Take care

By Tricia

Re: High functioning Autism
Fri 4 Apr 2008 05:13

Hello

I was going to move away years ago with my son about ten years ago. the Ed Phyc said to me that should I consider moving away she would of supported my son in getting what he needed. I do believe she would of done as she went that extra mile to get what my son needed back then and that was when Autism was not really taken much notice of as I have seen Autism come a long way since then but still a lot of work to be done out there.

If you are going up the education statement route I don't know if you are aware of a web site which is very useful I know that my local Parent Partnership Officer uses this site to keep updated on information regarding education:

www.ace-ed.org.uk

Also contact your local council to find out who your Parent Partnership officer is as they will support you or a volunteer through the statement route or any issues relating to your child's educational needs. Sometimes just having someone who knows what they are talking about soon kicks the education lot into place and gets things moving.

Good luck!

Tricia

By Tricia

Re: High functioning Autism
Fri 4 Apr 2008 05:18

Kerry love the bit about Autism probably comes from the male side of the family! I too remember my ex family telling me about little habits my ex husband had when he was a child and could see them in my son while he was growing up.

But my children have not seen their dad in over 14 years now and what really bugs me is that this nature verses nuture thing as they have a lot of him in their manerasims!

Of course they have all the perfect bits from their Mam!

By kerry.

Re: High functioning Autism
Fri 4 Apr 2008 08:54

aha tricia, but my daughter has aspergers traits and she hasnt seen her sperm donor for about 10 yrs since she was about 6 or 7, but she is soooo like him in many ways, so i think there is an argument for both sides: nature v nurture.

luckily she too has all my nice bits- its just that at the moment i am still looking for them!
give me a few more centuries....

as for being defensive... well, its not just autism, i think its disability generally. Im the same.
OMG talk about dog with a bone... me more like saber tooth pit bull with a t rex leg when it comes to my kids.

i brought my girls up alone for quite some time from when they were a few months old, and i was pretty damned defensive there too but with the boys its a whole new ball game!
ask the bloke haha.
even he cowers lol.
but like you say, who else is gonna fight for them if we dont?

often with kids in MS school they do really well until they get to around 10 or 11 and then they need sen school as the MS is too structured/rigid.
its always best to have options kept open from that score i reckon?

By loopy

Re: High functioning Autism
Fri 4 Apr 2008 13:53

i would die for my kids! i am extremely defensive of all of them, more so charlotte because of her autism, but i would defend all of them to the death!! Hubby says i am like a mother tiger, pouncing on all who dare criticise or hurt my kids. I would go the ends of the earth for all of them.

By AutismSpeaksForRiley

Re: High functioning Autism
Mon 7 Apr 2008 21:42

well, my sons teacher has decided that he does not " need" a statement as he is doing well NOW apparently after 6 months he has calmed down, i specified to her that in fact my son had the same issue in reception and asked if she thought that it was more a case of him getting used to her and the new classroom. After needing an adult by his side for the first few months, she is now encouraging him to sit alone, and she feels that his progress may be a 'little' to do with getting used to her as a teacher, and although she acknowledges that he would LIKE an adult by him at all times, she feels he does not need it. Another brick wall huhh guys? so,another mother of a statemented child marched me round to senco, god bless her, and i have fgot the ball rolling for a statement, without the teachers support. Cant help getting the feeling that schools care more about the figures and targets, rather than caring for these wonderful children. Having said that, she seems a lovely teacher, just not an expert in autism, regardless of her 20 years experience. All the more reason to continue with my training as a teacher, it's hard to juggle but this has just spurred me on!