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My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
- By iloveher
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Thu 10 May 2007 10:31
A brief background.
My girlfriend, the mother of our child, suffers from depression, she has done for over 15 years. Has tried to commit suicide twice, drinks heavily and has taken medication for most of those 15 years. She blames her family splitting up when she was 5 as the source of her depression
I met her and fell in love.
We have a 3 year old boy, who is lovely and very happy. We recently bought and house together and moved to a new part of the country.
Recently her drinking became worse and she started to blame me. Every month she has started to ask me to leave and then a week later decides that she doesn't want me to leave.
She has just given up drinking (2 days) on the advice of her doctor. Yesterday she said she wanted to go to relate, today she says she wants me out. I've had this for same cycle for 4 years and no medical person has been able to help stop the cycle.
Now she is insisting she gets a solicitor involved and values the house. And she doesn't see the point in going to relate anymore.
I just don't know how to cope anymore.
Replies
- By meg mackenzie
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Re: My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
Thu 10 May 2007 10:58My heart is sore for you.
This sounds very harsh and I don`t mean it to, but question....How did you cope yesterday? That is how you will cope today, tomorrow and for the everafter if as your name says iloveher.
If you had somewhere to go for a day or two how would your wife cope? Perhaps suggest that practicality to her.
Hope you will find the strength to stick it out, it is hard and if I had a pound for everytime I was told to get out I wouldn`t need my carers allowance!
Perhaps someone else can help you more, but at least you know we are here and listening, so keep posting if that helps you not to feel alone
Meg
- By jessie darcy
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Re: My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
Thu 10 May 2007 21:44I feel real sorry for you,as you say iloveher,well it is a good thing you do,It sounds like she really needs to be loved,if your son is happy there must be somethng good in your relationship.I am acarer and I suffer with deppression like the rest of us.There are dayss when I want to walk away or even run,but the love keeps me there.Please don,t give up as they say Love conquers all.
jessie darcy
- By Pysie
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Re: My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
Thu 10 May 2007 23:09Oh, I feel for you so much and your story brings back bitrer-sweet memories. I divorced twenty years ago in similar circumstances. I don't know what the future will bring for you and your partner but, if the worse comes to the worst, I can only assure you that separation from a loved-one DOES get easier as time passes.
Perhaps you ought to make an appointment with Relate on your own. You don't need your partner to be be with you, but you will be able to talk through your own feelings with a counsellor and come to some sort of of a decision about what YOU want for the future. I can see how much you love your partner and your son, but sometimes true love means letting go. Do make sure your son is well looked-after, though.
Whatever your decision is, I wish you and your family well.
Love
Pysie xx
- By iloveher
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Re: My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
Fri 11 May 2007 15:17Thank you for your kind words.
I do love her and love my son deeply. I've been through this several times before. Each time she seems more determined for me to leave, this time she is getting the house valued. I'll leave if I have to. However I'm worried that no one will be there for her when she needs them.
Her mum can't see that she has a problem and laughs at her drinking. She's never been there for her even though she knows she's severely depressed.
Her dad is useless. If he can't answer the problem with money then he doesn't care.
She is depressed and I'm now being asked to leave her with my 2 year old boy. She drinks till she collapses. She thinks about self harm.
She blames me for all her woes. Says that I'm the reason she drinks. I'm the reason she is depressed. And yet how can I be?
I'm desperate to keep us together as a family for all our sakes. I just don't know what to do next.
And how will she cope? How will my son cope?
- By jessie darcy
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Re: My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
Fri 11 May 2007 17:43children adapt to almost any situtation you put them in as long as it happy,maybe take awide berth for now,(with your son)then maybe she will realize what she has got or maybe what she needs or maybe what she wants.please keep smiling your son needs it.
jessie darcy
- By Pysie
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Re: My long term partner is depressed and wants to leave
Sat 12 May 2007 00:16I'm sure you are not the reason your partner drinks. It sounds as though she has deep-seated problems and, unless she recognises these problems and is willing to accept help, I doubt whether anything you say or do will make much difference. You can only assure her that you understand and you will always be there for her.
Perhaps she just needs space and time to take stock of what's going on in her life. Sometimes a 'trial separation' is all it takes to realize what we've got. to lose.
Are Social Services involved with her care? If not, perhaps you ought to consider approaching them for your son's sake. If you do split up and your son stays with your partner, how will she cope with him if she continues drinking to excess? You obviously wouldn't want him to be taken into care if a crisis arose.
If you don't want to involve SS at this stage, you could phone the NSPCC helpline for some friendly advice:-
0808 800 5000 - www.nspc.org.uk
I really hope your partner comes to her senses and realises what a treasure she has in you.
Love
Pysie xx