Bipolar Disorder

Replies

By boomerang

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Thu 22 Jun 2006 19:47

hi i've just come across this site and saw your message.it's tuff when you have someone you love with a mental illness.most of the time you feel isolated unable to talk to anyone or at least you think people would understand more if it was a physical condition.My mum also has bipolar and was diagnosed 30 + years ago.What's most important is to make time for yourself not just when they are on a level but more importantly when they are at their worst.sometimes you need to break off or you end up becoming part of the rollercoaster.This is easier for me to say than actually do,but you have to, for your own health.feel free to chat,laugh have a joke shout out your frustrations,try to keep smiling at least you have your sanity!take care for now

By citybus

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Thu 22 Jun 2006 23:11

Hi. many thanks for your reply, boomerang. Just knowing that there is someone out there who I have been able to tell some of my problems to, makes me feel better. I really must try harder to make time for me! I keep a child's football in the garden and go & kick that when I get desperate!! Does help . Thanks again

By echo

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Fri 23 Jun 2006 01:29

When I read your story it made me cry.. It has taken me a while to calm before replying.. Forgive me but your story appears to be identical to mine.. and that is spooky!!
I too care for my husband who was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, the last major episode began 5 years ago. It is also likely he has been suffering since aged 11, when he lost his mother. He too was being treated for depression and things got massively out of hand. Things are better now but it has been tough. Are you in touch with your local Carers Centre, they supported me and the kids. Do you have children? Take Care of you citybus, you are in my thoughts..

By cracker

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Fri 23 Jun 2006 23:08

My son was diagnosed with bipolar when he had his first manic episode when he was twenty one years old.That was thirteen years ago. He has been fairly stable for the last five years,except he does get quite a few lows.When he was just five years old all the paintings he did at school were black,I could not get any help for him.
It must be very hard for you and I can only admire you for your courage. Just try to hang on to the thought that he loves and needs you in spite of the fact that he may not show you
God Bless Loopy xx

By citybus

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Fri 23 Jun 2006 23:31

Thank you Echo and Loopy for your thoughts. We have only been married for 11 years so I suppose we are still in the "honeymoon period!" Hubby has had so many manic episodes in that time (before he was diagnosed) that I felt guilty at not being able to recognise when one was starting - I am getting better about that - but it all takes its toll. I know he loves me - he tells me 100 times a day!! and yes I love him but sometimes its a struggle. Thank you for being there, caring and helping.

By Mido

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Sat 24 Jun 2006 15:25

Hi, citybus,

It's interesting that your husband tells you he loves you so frequently. My wife - who has MS - and I used to say it to each other all the time. Now it is just me to her. I can't remember when she stopped. I know she cares - but that I no longer get gestures of affection from her is a little hard to bare, now that I think about it.

Be happy that he tells you! LOL!

Mido

By Caz

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Mon 26 Jun 2006 11:24

I can sympathise, but I can't offer any advice--I need advice myself. My husband has bipolar disorder too--and is unwell at present, after missing a week's medication 2 months ago and still hasn't calmed down again yet.
He has struck up an electronic relationship with a woman half his age from work, texts her constantly and writes down all the texts he receives and sends her (most of which are romantic, and some are plain erotic), which he makes little effort to hide, as if he wants to be caught. He also spends 2 to 4 hours every evening chatting with her on MSN messenger, and either ignores me and the kids completely or is horribly irritable and hostile to us.
I'm reaching the end of my tether with this. He's completely neglected me (or just been hostile) for the last 11 years, when I was pregnant with our younger child. He doesn't seem to see anything wrong about his behaviour, but gets aggressively defensive when I ask him to stop it. He was only diagnosed as bipolar 2 years ago after a major episode and hostpitalisation that he's never forgiven me for, but he had been prone to mood swings for at least 11 years, between really bad depression (bedridden at weekends, unable to speak, but fortunately still holding down his job) and weeks or months of expansiveness, going out all the time, spending moe money than we earned, engaging in semi-secret romantic liaisons with other women, and getting angry with me and the kids (he's now started blaming our son's Asperger's for causing his illness).
He wouldn't come to Relate after the first session we had last year, so I sat for the rest of the sessions taling with an empty chair. He has attended family therapy appointments with me recentlly--the therapist told him in no uncertain terms that even though he is unwell, he must still take responsibility for taking his medication and for the hurtful things he is doing while high. But he doesn't appear to have taken on board what she said, as he came straight home from the session and got back to his eletronic romance.
I'm really not sure what to do about this--it's horrible to live with.
Any advice would be very welcome.
Caz

By citybus

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Mon 26 Jun 2006 12:04

Hi Caz
How difficult and awful your life sounds at present. Is your husband seeing a Psychiatrist? Unfortunately he has to be made aware that he must always take his medication - will he let you remind him?
I hope someone can give you advice - I am thinking of you and send you my sympathy.
citybus

By boomerang

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Mon 26 Jun 2006 18:23

hi caz i'm boomerang, do you have your husbands phychiatrists phone number? or does he have a cpn nurse.you need to make him aware that you are concerned and feel he needs to see him.see if you can talk to his pychiatrist and express your concerns. he should book an appointment to see yr husband.my mum suffers with bipolar and is very unwell at the moment.the one thing i've learned from my mums illness is you yourself need to get a good relationship with the doctors and nurses as your insite to his illness is more important than what is written in a text book.i grew up with mum being bipolar and even though i'm now in my thirty's i am only just learning about her illness.i can't say for yr husband but my mum always pushes us away when she's ill and insists she's ok.she becomes very agitated easily.it was worse when dad left.i'm never really sure what she's angry at but she was always cold as ice to us no emotion.growing up i always thought it was our fault she was angry.reading through information on the net(which is only these last 12 weeks)maybe she's angry at her illness,you know hand on heart i'm not even sure she knows why she's angry.all i know is if mum could choose to be like this or not i'm damn sure she wouldn't want to have this illness.if i'd have had the information back when i was 12 when dad had left i think i'd have coped and understood more instead of shouting at her back.how old r yr children they need to be taught about the illness as well as you.so they can grow up knowing that thier dad doesn't hate them and it's not them he's really angry at.the other thing you need to do which is what i'm going to do when mum recovers from this episode is,talk to mum and plan what to do when she starts to decline.i now have her cpn nurses name and number her docotrs number the crisis team number and i'm going to see her phyc.with her to get in writing that when mum declines she pushes us away but would like us to have information on her treatment when she's in hospital.and to take her purses and cards off her at the start of the decline.mums been in hospital for 7 weeks now and is talking to no-one it's been an emotional rollercoaster but what i could have done without is that because mum pushes us away when she's ill is she doesn't want the docs talking to us.i know this is her right and i don't need to know everything but it's me that's there for her when she goes back to her flat.and it's me that needs to have an insight to her treatment so i can help her out. the only turmoil i have at the moment is that she's not talking to anyone and i only have the emotional strength to see her once a week.i just don't know what to say when i'm there,say too much and i'm spat on and shown the door sit in silence and say nothing what am i actually achieving.does any one have any ideas? The one thing is that is very important do not disclued your children in any of this,they have feelings and thoughts too in which they need to get out wheter they realise it or not.do you know there are even chat sites for children of bipolar parents now who talk to other kids who have bipolar parents.when we were kids if ypou didnt talk about it it wasn't happening. The trouble with that moto is it slaps you back in the face when you grow up.thinking back on when i was a kid it was like i was mourning the loss of my mum every time she had an episode,then got her back only to lose her again.after 12 years of managing her illness although i'm now an adult i am paralised in my childhood emotions.plaese please please be open with your children and get them to open up their feelings and questions.having more knowledge of the illness will make you more prepared for the inevitable.don't push it under the carpet hoping it will go away it won't.big hug to you and your kids.xxx

By Caz

Re: Bipolar Disorder
Wed 28 Jun 2006 23:58

Hello Citybus and Boomerang,
Thanks so much for your replies and sympathies-and sorry for the delay, I couldn't log on before now. It's good to know there's other people out there in similar boats, and I feel a bit ashamed of ranting as you've both got so much to deal with yourselves and have clearly both been through the mill.
I had a chat on the phone with my husband's psychiatrist--who thought he seemed stable last week, so maybe hubby's just in love now (which is annoying and hard to handle) rather than ill, though he keeps telling me he's doing all this flirting stuff because he's ill). But he's agreed to let me come to his next appointment in two weeks time.
I'm really grateful for you telling me about how it feels to be a child with a bipolar parent. I'm telling the kids as much as I can about their dad's illness--and I'm heartened by what you said Boomerang because I was worrying that I was telling them too much. The eldest, aged 11 and has Asperger's, is taking his dad's current illness rather badly--he coped better than the rest of us when his dad was hospitalised 2 years ago and discharged still too unwell for us to cope properly with his mood. My son brought me back to my senses by saying "Mum, you need to help him, instead of getting angry yourself". But this latest episode seems to have affected him much more, and he's finding it hard to express it except in furious rage--he got very angry this evening and said it was because his dad was glued to the computer, chatting with his new friend, ignoring him altogether. I did my best to persuade my son that his dad was ill and what he was doing was part of the illness, nothing personal--but I don't know if any of what I said sank in..
Let's hope tomorrow is a better day.
Big hugs
Caz