Life's lessons, with a twist!
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By Alix
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Wed 24 Jun 2009 10:00
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush
your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch
the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its
ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber,
not the toy.GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD;
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes
alone.THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1 -- You believe in Santa Claus.
2 -- You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3 -- You are Santa Claus.
4 -- You look like Santa Claus.SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . Not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . ... . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not peeing in your pants.Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh. Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many smiles
Take the time to live!!!
Life is short. Dance naked And eat dessert first!
Replies
- By Amberelen
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 11:59Good one Alix, made me laugh
even though i can see myself in several of thoes statements !!! 
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By ena
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 12:57Thanks Alix
- By fenlander
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 13:01Reminded me of Shakespeare's Seven Ages Of Man from As You Like It
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' brow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything." — Jaques (Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)
- By fenlander
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 13:03Broccoli in milk???????????????????????????????
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By jennifer
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 13:082 lovely reads,thanks,
Had apple pie with ice cream,now going to do the highland fling nakid,in the garden.
- By Amberelen
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 13:23 oh jen !! thats some powerfull apple pie !!
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By jennifer
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 14:04Thought after,got the roofers in lol.Hunky though.M M M
- By Michy
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 14:31Oh Alix
Thank you!!!!! Just what I needed...... to jog on the inside and that I did indeed!!!!!! Thank you
- By Bubbles
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 16:07Thanks Alix - Ive had an awful day and you made me laugh - Bless you!!!!! You've put a grin back on my face.
- By Dads Daughter
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Re: Life's lessons, with a twist!
Wed 24 Jun 2009 17:00Always great to practice with the
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