Advice requested

Replies

By morello

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 09:43

This government is supposed to help with people who want to stay in their own home, and why shouldnt they at their age. Would you like to be turfed out. Believe me I dont blame them for not having the SS over the doorstep. They come along (and if you can get hold of them to actually bother of course) Take over like they own you and your property and do as they wish, not what is best. My mother would not have anything to do with them after years of their rubbish advice and interference, they didnt get over the doorstep and where eventually told where to go. I thought she was silly, but believe me after she died and I took over the care I understand why. Dont push them. Try ringing and seeing what help and the cost would be yourself, if there is anyone there with a brain cell they should be able to give you some advice if you trust them.
Mo

By EL

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 10:01

Love the user name i should have that one as for your problem, let them scream and shout all they like tell them you are doing whats best for them and that the alternative may even result in them being seperated, even if that is not true they don't know that unless they are told, they sound like a couple of pre-schoolers having tantrums cause they cant get there own way, yes its hard having someone living in your home, its also hard admitting you need help to this extent, its the same old "the mind is willing the body isn't" scenario but its better that than having to leave your home knowing you will never return at there age they are a bit too long inthe tooth to pussy foot around with, in no uncertain terms they must be told the left and right choice they have, and asked which choice do they want to choose, stay in there home together with on hand help or leave there home for good and go to a place where it is just possible they could not be together! cantankerous behaviour is normal for the elderly its there way of dealing with the realisation that they can no longer cope on there own, they dont want to feel they are a burden and they want to stay as independant as possible for as long as they can i feel for your dilema but my heart goes out to them and the changes they have to make at this stage of there lives try putting it on the line for them if it doesn't work the only thing you can do is fingers in your ears and la la la la

By Tricia

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 14:18

sorry don't think I would have any solutions to help.

but I am not surprised that this couple are refusing to go into 24 hour care. They probably of worked hard all their lives to save up for their nest egg and they won't want to see it being taken away by services which others get for free.

An alternative is for them to have carers in the home 24 hours per day instead of having them ripped away from the home which they love.

Even the elderly should still have choices available to them not just those who are younger

By Doormat

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 15:50

Thank you to all who have taken the time to give the advice I asked for. No, they did not work hard all their lives but it is still their money and it seems to me very hard that they have to pay for the care that they have been assessed as needing when mentally and physically they are unable to do anything but put their foot down, as it were. They are, however, fortunate, in having enough money to have the choice about care at home or in a home - many others do not have that choice, do they? We are at the end of ten years of trying to help them to stay in their own home and in the way to which they are accustomed and it is hard not to resent the fact that we are still expected to behave like sainted servants but be treated like silly children. (We have missed our child's graduation ceremony; one of us has had a very bad nervous breakdown; one of us was unable to support the other when their parent was dying - and all because of the demands which have been made on us in that time. ) They have had it spelled out that there are two choices, 24hr in their home (which they currently have) or into residential care but I am not sure it has sunk in. Or, maybe, it has and is too ghastly to contemplate so they have tantrums instead. No doubt I would want to have tantrums too, but that does not make it easy to live with. Moans over. Shut up you moaning woman - I can hear you all saying it.

I shall now put my fingers in my ears and la-la-la. I have to say, that is the most practical and sensible advice I have EVER been given. Sorry - can't hear you! Bless you ALL though, for your care-ful advice. Doormat.

By EL

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 16:05

If you cant have a bloody good moan on here where can you have it moan all you like mate my moan is ...... Adam went back to school yesterday today he refused point blank everything within reach went hurling across the room, tears, stomping, swearing you know the usual stuff

By meg mackenzie

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 18:42

Sorry folks, it`s sad but true, the older they get the more like tiny tots they become! I used to feel like a kindergarten cop when my late mother would tell the SS where to go. They were stupid enough to believe she could still care for the house and go for the shopping, even though she hadn`t been over the doorstep for five years at that time! The SS lady had a mouth like a fish gasping for air when mum told her about walking the dog....... I asked which dog, mum called it by its name.........Oh that dog, it`s been dead over thirty years!

Take care
Meg

By loopy

Re: Advice requested
Thu 4 Sep 2008 21:42

my moan is..................LIFE IN BLOODY GENERAL!!!

By Doormat

Re: Advice requested
Fri 5 Sep 2008 10:31

Dear All

Once again, thanks for responding. Life is tough, tougher for some than for others, and we all have limited resources, but here's to the sunshine (please may it soon return), the soft breeze, the unexpected smile. I am thankful for what is good and try to keep hopeful for the future.
Doormat