Caring for elderly parent
- By fiftysomething
-
Tue 1 Aug 2006 22:51
Hi my names Judy im 54 and live in Cardiff.My mum died last year from cancer and my dad whose 90 and registered blind still lives in the house on his ownI try to go over most days and my son goes in the evening.He is very depressed still and isolated (but he wont go out to meet people).My brother comes down about once a month and phones him nearly every night.When i went over yesterday he had a black eye and did'nt realise how bad it was hed hit himself on the opened bathroom cabinet also he fell out his back garden and cut all his face.
I would love to hear from someone male or female who is in a simular position as me as i feel very alone at the moment,thanks Judy.
Replies
- By Barbara2
-
Re: Caring for elderly parent
Tue 1 Aug 2006 23:50Hi Judy,
You're not alone, though I know it sometimes feels like it! I'm 45 and care for my mother who is 90.
Do come in to the chatroom any evening and chat with other carers; it's a good place to either discuss your concerns, or to forget about them and just have a break from caring.
If you would like to meet other carers, look on this site for your nearest carers' centre. And don't be afraid to have a chat with your father's GP - there may be help available (but don't hold your breath!)
With love and support,
Barbara
- By gerry
-
Re: Caring for elderly parent
Wed 2 Aug 2006 13:31Hi Judy - I am new to this site and astonished to find that the first item I looked at was your posting - it could be me! I am 54 and my Mum died last year. That was bad enough. I have now had to give up work to care for my Dad.He's 86 and partially sighted, deaf, has a colostomy and angina. Bless him, he never complains, but he is so lonely without my Mum. He lives just up the road so that at least is good. I am divorced and have no brothers or sisters. I had 28 years of being in an abusive marriage with a husband who spent money as fast (or as often) as he earnt it. I always worked otherwise my kids wouldn't have been fed. After my divorce I had 4 heady years of earning a decent salary allowing me to enjoy the nice things in life. Then my Mum became bed-ridden, and here I am with no money, and facing what appears to be a very isolating and lonely time. So it's nice to find this site and other people in similar situations. Gerry
- By fiftysomething
-
Re: Caring for elderly parent
Wed 2 Aug 2006 20:54Hi barbara and gerry,thanks for your emails, i think it was a great coincidence that you (Gerry ) looked at the forum last night we seem to be a mirror image of each other, even the age is the same.I was also in an abusive marriage but not for as long as you but i know what its like.I dont seem to cope well with things anymore and im often in tears worrying that i'll go to my dads one day and find him dead(i dont think i could cope with that)I feel so sorry for him and love him so much i hate it that he is so unhappy but dont know how to help him.Sorry if ive gone on a bit but i do feel better after that.Please keep in touch.Where do you live?take care Judy.
Barbara, thanks for the invite to the chat room,you have your hands full as well, i expect there are millions of us all thinking the same, Take care Judy.
- By gerry
-
Re: Caring for elderly parent
Wed 2 Aug 2006 22:16Hi Judy - I also think the same as you - it's my worst fear. I love my Dad to bits and I loved my Mum so much, I miss her dreadfully. I never knew how dramatically my life would change and how difficult it is to come to terms with it all. Yes - my overpowering feeling is how sorry I feel for my Dad. If I was with him 24 hours a day I still wouldn't be my Mum. I close his front door when I leave and I have to gulp back the tears. And it's been a nightmare trying to get any benefits - do they think we CHOOSE to give up everything and live hand to mouth? I feel like I'm drowning with all the emotional upheavel - let alone now not having any income. I live on the Kent coast which is lovely when it's sunny - and pretty miserable when it isn't!!
- By fiftysomething
-
Re: Caring for elderly parent
Fri 4 Aug 2006 22:13Hi Gerry, you are so right i never knew what a devastating affect it would have on me when my mum got ill and died.I could'nt cope with it all, i could'nt eat and cried all the time for months even when i was outside which was embarrasing.When i saw my dad with a black eye he did'nt remember doing i started crying for him.I did'nt let him know that i was in tears but i feel for him and your so right we can never replace our mothers although we try to do our best.When my dad was younger he had a great sense of humour and was well liked by everyone,now hes completely different and doesnt want to mix with people its like hes scared because he cant hear them very well,if thats what getting old does for you you can keep it.Its a shame we dont live a little nearer to each other, im sure we'd make good friends with everything we have in common.I am learning to drive because i thought i could take my dad out some places, i want him to have a bit of fun in his life but the way the lessons are going i dont think i'll pass at all.I dont know if its because im so stressed but my memory is awful and my mind goes blank and of course you cant drive like that.Please keep in touch perhaps we can help each other,as i know your thinking along the same lines as me,putting your dad first.Take care Judy.