Discussion Boards Hints and tips
My husband & his bi-polar
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By Caroltlc
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Thu 23 Aug 2007 15:25
My therapist referred me to this site. My husband has bipolar - he is 55 & I am 49. We've only been married 1 year. I moved from the U.S. to the Uk to marry him. We dated (long distance) and with him visiting me & I him for 2 years. I thought I knew him well - I knew he was a bit moody but after we married it was more apparent he had a mental illness. I'm writing here as I feel I really need help and insight into this illness - and a bit of moral support. The part I find the most difficult is when he goes from being so sweet one day and the next a small thing can set him off into a rage and he like someone else. He says horrible things to me and it is very hard not to take it personally. I feel sometimes like I'm living with Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. If anyone has any info. that could help me understand this illness better it would be appreciated.
Replies
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By chenrezig
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Thu 23 Aug 2007 18:42Hi Caroltlc,
I'm afraid I don't have any personal experience of bipolar disorder, apart from a couple of clients from where I used to work. But I have had a look and found these websites, maybe they might be of some help? Or maybe you've already found them?
www.carers.org
-the above is a link to some former postings on this website about bipolar disorder.Please don't forget the chatroom - usually open about 7.30pm, It s chance to have a chat, a cry and a laugh with other Carers who are in the same position as you.
Take Care
Liz
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By chenrezig
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Thu 23 Aug 2007 18:50Sorry, should have added these ones as well, they will tell you what should be out there and what benefits you may be able to get.
www.direct.gov.uk
www.carerstogether.org.uk
www.carersuk.orgLiz
- By knightmare
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Fri 24 Aug 2007 22:19Hi caroltic.I know exactly how you feel.My wife has bi-polar and I have found out along the way that these jekyll and hyde episodes do occur.The nasty things they say are not meant even though at the time they hurt.You can get some publications free of charge from www.rethink.org.Speak to your husbands cpn or social worker and get a carers assesment done for yourself.They may be able to help you.I hope this helps a bit.
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By Caroltlc
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Sat 25 Aug 2007 14:59Thank you both for your advice and the web sites - I'll look into them. I'm just not putting up with the abuse too well. He doesn't seem to have a conscious nor does he think he has a problem or illness (even though the doctor has him on anti-depressants). His lying is difficult as well... Knightmare - does your wife have problems with lying as well? Frankly I do not know if I'm strong enough emotionally to handle this illness as it is hard to know what is from the illness and what is just from the man...
Anyway, just having a really bad day with his abuse but wanted to respond and thank you for your kindness of input. Carol
- By Shldvds
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Sat 25 Aug 2007 19:21Hi Carol, I'm no expert on bi polar although do have 2 nephews who suffer from it.
Does your husband have a consultant psychiatrist and a CPN? If not it would seem like time he did have. It also strikes me that you mention his doctor has him on anti depressants. Surely if he has bi polar he needs more than this, taken regularly, to help stabilise his condition. It does seem to be very important that any medication is taken regularly although I know you can't force anyone to take it.
Yes, the abuse can be really bad but is an indication that he is at a low point in his illness and is not really aimed at you. It is hard not to take it personally but please try to see it as his illness speaking.
My nephews are lovely young men who love their mother dearly yet she is the one who, mainly, is subjected to their abuse. It's been so hard for her over the years but, at last, she is able to see that it's their illness speaking not them.
There have also been times when one nephew has had to be admitted to hospital with/ without his consent. Usually because he has stopped taking his medication and attending appointments. A short time there and he is back on an even keel again for a while. Not what you would wish for your loved ones but sometimes the only real solution. Plus it gives the carer a bit of a break..
I know there is a scheme, here in Scotland, whereby carers of people with mental health problems can apply for respite care to allow them to have a break. Will have a look for the notice when I go to the doctors on Tuesday.
It's very much an emotional roller coaster ride for all concerned and if you can get any means of support for your husband/yourself, please take it.
Sorry I can't be of more help. Try to hang on in there and feel free to let off steam here or in the chat room where you will be very welcome.
Take care of yourself.
Love, Sheila.
- By knightmare
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Sat 25 Aug 2007 22:55Hi Carol.Is your husband on a mood stabiliser as well as an anti depressant?Often anti depressants dont work on their own I have seen.You must make an appointment for you to go and see his CPN or pshchaitrist you will then know what he is telling them and if it is the truth ecspetially as you say he has a habit of lying.I know the abuse hurts but as Sheila says it is the illness speaking.Maybe and I dont mean to be nasty but maybe he needs to be admitted to hospital to be properly assest ,as for the lying no my wife doesnt but then everybody is different.Tell yourself you are strong enough to cope I have been in your position before and I just tell myself you can do it.If you would like my e-mail address just say so and I will get it sent.Hope to see you in the chatroom soon.Take care.
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By Caroltlc
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Sun 26 Aug 2007 09:59Thank-you very much Sheila & Knightmare for the advice and support. It was very encouraging and I have taken on board what you have said. I'll probably be in the chatroom on Tuesday.
Take Care, Carol
- By Shldvds
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Tue 4 Sep 2007 21:25Hi again Carol, Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but just wasn't feeling up to it.
I did check the notice board when I went to the doctor last week and it turns out I mis-read the notice. It was actually asking carers of people with mental health issues if they managed to get holidays/respite etc. and would they conact a certain group with a view to trying to set something up so that this might be available. However it seemed to only be for this area of Scotland. Not much help I know but just wanted to let you know.
Hope things are a bit more stable for you meantime.
Take care, Sheila.
- By celeste
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Re: My husband & his bi-polar
Sun 2 Mar 2008 00:48i go through the same thing with my "bi polar" spouse...he hasn't been diagnosed YET...but 3/4 his family has....all i know is...he is so sweet, i am happy as can be...and one day or one thing can change it all! makes you confused a bit! my counselor said he had BPD....he is BI POLAR!!!!!!!!!!the abuse is really bad.....i wouldn't recommend anyone trying to make it work , unless they had a good reason (i was a single mom of 2 boys before...bi-polar husband...treats them good...and financially supports them).....but still there is the times he spits out every name degrading to me in front of my boys....and i wonder if it is worth it!