Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
- By Earth Angel
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Tue 26 Jun 2007 20:34
My 33 year old husband suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder a crippling mental illness that leaves him unable to work although he is a qualified primary school teacher. He is regularly suicidal and self harms with a knife. His personality is disordered so he will love me to the point that he will not allow me to leave the room then hate me with venomn. He is stunningly good looking but thinks he is ugly. He is highly intelligent but thinks he is stupid. His anxiety cripples him so I accompany him to appointments etc and any type of social contact is just impossible. He self medicated with alcohol for years and became an alcoholic, he is sober now thanks to AA and his hard work. His compulsive gambling (now in regression thanks to GA) is a trait of the illness. I constantly walk on eggshells as I do not know if he is in a love or hate mood, his thinking is only black or white. His anger can be horrific but he works very very hard to control this. When he is 'normal' he is the most beautiful man inside and out that I have ever met, he is kind, careing, loving and giving. He has recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of fighting the NHS for some answers, it was a relief. We were then told that the DBT he needs is highly sucessful, especially with patients between 30-40 and the fact that he has worked so hard with his addictions will help considerably
.
Our prayers had been answered....... Only to be told that our area only has funding for 8 DBT places a year for the year long thearpy and that there are over 40 patients waiting. (apparently most of the funding is going to CBT) My caluculations make that at least a 5 year wait
.
I don't know what to do. Everyday I am in fear that my husband will kill himself and his self harming is mutilating his gorgeous body. We can't afford to go private. So we have the age old problem that the treatment is there for him but not enough funding to receive it. Help! Is there anyone else waiting for DBT?
Replies
- By booglebum
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Re: Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
Wed 27 Jun 2007 06:55hi earth angel,
i attended dbt roughly 3 yrs ago and it was brilliant, i still have lots of paper work on it. i cant believe you have to wait 5yrs for the dbt to start. i was going once a week to group dbt which lasted 2hrs each session and a one on one witha phschologist (cant spell). it was very worth well. it was done in segmants. maybe a push to cmht manager gp and ss would speed things up. i dont care what the pros say about funding and waiting periods, its obvious you need help sooner . sorry if i sound selfish but 5yrs is just a joke. good luck and i hope your husband gets the help he needs.
- By Earth Angel
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Re: Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
Wed 27 Jun 2007 16:31Thanks Booglebum, it is a joke.
They said if he had been hospitalised within last two years he'll have priority but the only reason he hasn't is coz he's got me looking after him 24/7 and I'm reluctant to have him sectioned, have been very close at times but it seems to me that that would be the only way they'll sit up and listen. He sees his psyc once every two months, but they just talk about the past which makes him worse, as i've heard before, it's like they open up the 'wound' then allow him to leave without 'stitching him back up'.
DBT is what he needs coz as you know it's about dealing with the present.
Sometimes it's just good to have a rant and stick my bottom lip out and sulk a bit, then get back to life but it is very tough.
Thanks again
Angel
- By ginger31
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Re: Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
Thu 28 Jun 2007 23:14Hi Earth Angel,
Just wanted to say that I was thinking of you after reading your post, my husband suffers from mental illness following a head injury and subsequent trauma and although it is not the same as BPD as I read your post your story could have been ours. Me & the kids lived for years walking on eggshells, never knowing if today was a good or bad day, an angry day or a vicious day - he was also suicidal. The worst day was phoning the crisis team at 10.30 at night and saying please come & take him away. They came next morning ready to section but he agreed to go voluntarily, and you are right it was the only way to make them sit up and take notice. We now have a official diagnosis and a support network in place with constant monitoring of medication etc. Sometimes it feels as though you have to be seen as failing before they listen, my husband s illness was like some secret which I had to keep by allowing him to behave as he wanted and adjusting mine and the kids lives to fit around his but we all deserved a chance at a better life and so do you and your husband so please be strong and maybe consider shouting help for once to make them listen. The future can be so much more hopeful for
you both & you deserve that chance at least. Have just thought my husband too was an alcoholic when we met(I was a trainee RMN) but has not had a drink for 18 years now and he also suffers from anxiety so is unable to leave the house except for appts. etc and then only with me.
I don't know if any of these ramblings have helped, it helps me to know that I'm not the only one going through this and our stories were so similar I wanted to reply to you.
With love to you & your husband, I am thinking of you both
Louise x
- By Earth Angel
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Re: Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
Fri 29 Jun 2007 18:36Oh Louise, thank-you.
I related so much to what you said, especially the part about adjusting mine and the kids lives around his. It's so hard to get the right balance. I love my husband so so much, he's wonderful, but I know that I also have to be tough to keep life managable and I definatly would be no good to him if I crumbled. As I'm sure you understand some days I'm stronger than others and I can cope, like today, but other days I just want to run away. Juggling to keep a stable home life is very tireing. AA teach him just to take it 'one day at a time' and that is what I do, just get through today and I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes.
Thank-you so much for your kind words, they really helped me.
Bless you
Angel
x
- By ginger31
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Re: Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
Sat 30 Jun 2007 22:05Hi Earth Angel,
Hope all is ok for you today
Take care
Louise x
- By lizzie_T
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Re: Mental health patients need DBT/Dialectical Behaviour Treatment
Wed 4 Jul 2007 01:59Dear earth angel. I am so sorry about your plight. In the '60's and '70's I worked in psychiatric wards. Although we had more than our share of attempts(amd 1 successful) suicide I cannot remember self harm. There was something in your account which made me think of my tens machine. When the orthopaedic surgeon had me fitted for a leg splnt(term used for calliper) he also suggested that I try a T.E.N.S. machine, at that time only available on prescription. He explained that the brain can only receive one message at a time, and the idea was to cut into the paid with another,more tolerable feeling. I was given one to try but thought it would never work, because I was given rubber pads on wires which then connected to the small box.Every time I placed it on a place and it did not work, or caused more pain, I had to take the pads off, rinse and dry them and apply some more gel to reposition them.it was not helping!! Then a friend introduced me to 'reusable electrodes'.These were self adhesive and could be removed and placed until the desired effect was reached.The small box containing the battery was attached to a waist belt. IT WORKED. I does relieve the pain.You can turn it up or down depending on the severity of the real pain,and avoided the use of too many painkillers,of which I have quite strong ones.
I am telling you this because it may work with your husband. Even if he has not pain that he complains about, it may stop him self-harming. It could also take his mind off other habits etc.
The one I use is from a pain management place in Norfolk by post, but now they can ne purchased at some chemists.ours doesn't but I know Lloyds do because someone took me there.They may not be cheap, but you get what you pay for.Forget the rubber electrodes and gel. Buy the reusable pads.Do not let them dry out. You have to put them back on the plastic or special paper, but they keep just as well stuck on the bathroom mirror!
No one really has the answers.If they did we would not be in our positions, but sometimes a solution might just work, and even buying this,you still have little to lose.Depression is a very hard thing to bear.Any diversion, anything new, even a new taste in food diverts the mind away.Somewhere inside him, perhaps is a great longing, or lonliness, or pain,real or imaginary.Perhaps he is seeking attention and reassurance.Staying with him will help him, even though it is hard.I always say to myself 'what would I want?' and it helps.
I believe that the elderly and disabled with dreadful conditions do not only want to rid themselves of the pain etc.and look to euthanasia for an answer, are more afraid of who they will have to depend on in the future.It is a frightening thought not knowing who will care for you.