Discussion Boards I care for...
Level of Residential Care - Who's Decision?
- By Ginni
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Mon 27 Oct 2008 19:34
My Aunt is well into her 80s and has been diagnosed with dementia. She has been at home with my Mother during the day while I'm at work but I'd be there first thing, lunchtime and through the night. My Mother's health, at 81, has also started to deteriorate so leaving the two at home during the day is no longer an option. After much anguish, advice from friends and discussion in the family I decided I wouldn't give up work but now I'm beginning to seriously doubt I've made the right decision. My Aunt was taken in for emergency respite to the local unit while my Mother recovered and has been assessed over the last couple of weeks. Last week we were recommended to investigate three homes - named by the unit - that offer EMI care. My Aunt had a fall today at the unit - not a bad one - but my mother took the call and was very upset so I came home from work and took her to see her so she could see for herself she was ok. While at the unit we got onto the topic of the homes we've been looking at and one of the nurses said that the social worker who'd seen her at the end of last week didn't think she needed EMI care. I suspect that my face said it all...this nurse wasn't my Aunt's named nurse but has arranged a meeting with the social worker tomorrow and provided me with a copy of her assessment - which I hadn't seen either despite it being completed early last week. My question is how can a social worker over-ride a medical opinion with regard to my Aunt'scare? We've just spent the weekend visiting homes - one of them absolutely dreadful and one wonderful and the other one somewhere between the two - and generally agreeing on which one we thought would best suit her as she is now. I'm taking a good friend with me to this meeting as she'll be the calm head as I may get upset and my brother may get cross. What do we do for the best for my Aunt? Do I give up work and look after them both?
Replies
- By lizzie_T
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Re: Level of Residential Care - Who's Decision?
Mon 27 Oct 2008 19:45All our problems started with social services and respite care............................
- By lizzie_T
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Re: Level of Residential Care - Who's Decision?
Thu 30 Oct 2008 01:16I am surprised you had no reply so I thought I would get my oar in again if you don't mind and it will put you at the top.
It is of course a very difficult decision to make and it really depends on how much nursing experience you have had. Although I have worked through the years while bringing up my children (eldest now 47) some of the work I did at home. Other work was with my ex husband and I travelled abroad a lot for that. The boys were at boarding school. I also stood in local elections and was on the County Council and other bodies which also gave freedom, and in the seventies they even paid you to attend meetings which helped.
I cared for my first husband's mother through cancer in 1971 and I was also working PT nursing then too. It actually worked out much better than visiting her as the children were young and it was difficult to make the journey. When she came to live with us the children read to her and she was no trouble at all. I was able to do my PT jobs and attend most council meetings and so kept up interests outside the home. It is surprising how much easier caring becomes if you can be your own 'boss' so to speak. You have a PC which you can use to work from home and should be able to find PT work which perhaps you never thought of before. I know the usual answer agony aunts gave to the boredom suffered in the old days when mothers did not work so much was to join clubs etc., and you can still do that. When you think of the expense and time taken visiting your aunt in a home, worrying about her being happy, and your mother at home too, it is worth considering whether it would perhaps be better to give up the dayjob? Perhaps if you could accommodate them both at home they would be some company for one another. An alarm system for help could be obtained, though I am suspicious about a lot of these schemes as some are bugged and you have to have someone who will take the calls etc. In care homes there are so few staff to residents that they are probably not observed for as long as you could be at home even if you take a few part time jobs. I know that thousands of people are finding that the only work which pays is to do several part time jobs a week rather than one. My daughter, who has no children and is not near us to visit often, has three different jobs which fit in with her own massage and alternative therapy business. She has a mobile couch for that and sees clients at home and at her local GP practice. Staying at home to care for them may not be so bad as first thought if you apply yourself positively. It rather depends on whether your aunt and mother can be at home with you or not. If not, then travelling to them daily could restrict you somewhat. I hope what I have said helps. It is surprising how you can aclimatise yourself to a new way of life. I know the carer's allowance is peanuts, but it may help a bit, especially if you all live together.
- By madmel
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Re: Level of Residential Care - Who's Decision?
Thu 30 Oct 2008 09:44Hi Ginni
I would repeat Lizzie,s comment all our problems started with respite and ss.
I cared for my Mum who had DEMENTIA at home for 6yrs.I didn,t go out to work but still had 1 young son to look after and agranddaughter to mindtwice a week.
Could you not have a carer come in during the day while you are at work?
I think the situation with the sw may come down to finance,who would be paying for residential care?
Hope your meeting helped,dont be bullied by ss into accepting anything your,e not happy with.
thinking of you
Mel