ashamed

Replies

By katew

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 12:34

no one listeneing - the story of my life

By Tricia

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 14:12

Hello Kate

Which area do you live in?

All of us carer's can only take so much and if we don't have the services put in place then one day we will snap. Sadly like has happend to you.

Your human like everyone else yet carer's are expected to be superhuman.

Ask social services to do your Carer's Assessment immediately as your now facing crisis point in where your health is at risk and that would mean you won't be fit enough to continue with your caring role. Should that happen Social Services will have more to deal with by having to find a carer for your husband and children until you recover. The Carers Assessment is a very useful tool in identifying your needs as a Carer.

Also if you don't feel you can cope with a Social Worker you can contact your local Carer's Centre and ask if they will support you. Even if it is just to have someone with you when the Social worker calls to see you. I have been fortunately that the social workers I have dealt with have always wanted to work with me but that is not always the case for many carers out there.

If you get no joy please let us carer's know on here and I am sure there are plenty of us who will help you with ideas on helping you to feel that life is worth living.

Thinking of you and hope that something is done to help relieve your caring role sooner rather than later

By Lynn

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 14:13

We've been at the dentist this morning or I would have replied sooner.

No one knows what its like do they Kate - normally in a relationship, if hubby is a bully and abusive, you have a choice to walk out on him and let him get on with it. When he is disabled/ill the decision is so much more difficult (if not impossible). Seems like he knows that too which is probably why he is so horrible to you, and will now be even worse just to make you suffer.

You should not feel ashamed at all. If Social Service are now involved why don't you suggest they come up with a solution (make sure you tell them what your preferred option would be) There is no law that says you have to be his Carer - you have a choice!

The Samaritans are always good listeners and not just for the suicidal . . . .

There but for the grace of god go many of us love and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise!

Please keep me informed of what happens

Lynn x

By madmel

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 14:23

katew
Dont feel ashamed.I know in someways verbal abuse can be worse than physical as to the outside world your oh probably appears a great bloke.We all have our break point.
Maybe this will be a wake-up call for your oh-that he cannot treat you like a doormat.You and your children have a right to alife without this stress.
There are plenty of people willing to listen here,so carry on poring your heart out.It does help to write it down.

By katew

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 18:14

thanks for the support. i have sat in waiting all day for social services. no one has rung. ive left 3 messages and not a call back. ive really had enuf rite now. what have i got to do before i can get some help. it has helped writing down how i feel and thanks for taking the trouble to answer.

thanks again

kate xxxxxxxxx

By Tricia

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 19:14

Hello Kate

Sounds a familiar setting where social services are meant to ring you back up and they return your call when you have resigned yourself to you will just have to get use to the situation your in or they never do return the call.

If you have a carer's centre locally contact them and tell them of the situation and ask if they will support you in getting social services to move and get things done pronto!

Often wonder if it is a tactic which Social Services do, yes they may state they are underfunded but that does not help your situation which you are entitled to support with regardless of funding.

Unfortunately it is those carer's who shout the loudest who seem to get things done (would not surprise me if I have the nick name of being ms gobby beind my back these days). But that is unfair because caring can really knock a carers confidence and those are the very ones who really need as much support as anyone else.

If you can get into the chat room would be lovely to chat and have a laughter for a few moments just to forget our caring role just for a few moments.

By EL

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 20:44

ashamed? of what being human? dont talk wet you are doing your best so what else are you supposed to do? we all snap its human nature unless of course your green and from outta space you look after your OH but who looks after you? dont think having the social involved is such a bad reflection on you cause its not you never know you may just get some help so you can charge your batteries it never ceases to amaze me how we ALL seem to blame ourselves when things go wrong we ALL seem to forget we have a life too and god knows sometimes we all say there has to be more to life than this? its impossible to go around all day singing and lettin on that life is a bowl of cherries cause it bloody well isn't, you put that 'ashamed' thought out of your head now missy

By EL

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 20:45

PS i forgot my HRT again yesterday so im ready to rummble again now

By Dora45

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 22:07

no need to be ashamed, just proves that people should be in a home/hospital, being looked after by people who have chosen that line of work. Why is it that wives/husbands are assumed to be carers, if I applied to a care home as a carer I would certainly not be given a job but it is assumed that I should be a carer for my husband - I am not equiped but nobody listens!

By keey

Re: ashamed
Mon 16 Jun 2008 22:20

hey don't panic stress gets us when we least expect it the best advice i can give is to step back let him cool off and you too am sure he will come round and vice versa no matter how bad you feel you only do what you do because YOU CARE ok so it got out of hand but its a up hill struggle and you just gotta grip hard and be steady as you walk whilst carrying him and looking after everyone else maybe take time out if possible relax maybe go out and spend quality time but most of all DONT BE too harsh on yourself please LOADS OF HUGS hope things get better, keep the faith hugs sent