How do I cope?

Replies

By EL

Re: How do I cope?
Wed 23 Apr 2008 19:09

hiya pet, depression is an evil thing to cope with If you allow your OH to push you around you are basically giving her the power to treat you how she pleases, and this will only serve for her to lose all respect for you, be firm and tell her that her treatment of you is unacceptable and demand she treat you how she would like to be treated herself dont allow(at any cost)her to physically abuse you. Get her involved as much as possible with all family activities other wise she will sink deeper into her onw little world thinking she is not wanted or needed.
Allow your wife to SHARE the houshold chores shopping etc etc but you must for peace of mind see to the financial side of things yourself, if she is really bad she cant be expected to have anymore responsibility more than the basics. Your extended family have every right to be concerned but could offer help and respite to see if this helps any, cause it would not be at all fare to seperate the two of you. Keep a diary on your wife and note all behavioural problems, this evidence will be very valuable to the psych team or anyone else involved with your OH's care. Good luck hope this waffle helps a little, remember you have feelings and needs too you are only human after all.

By Greywolf

Re: How do I cope?
Thu 24 Apr 2008 08:53

Hiya John,

My OH has come up with a few points that he has faced with himself -
1) Citalopram can cause depression to deepen.
2) She loves you and the children, and doesnt want to hurt any of you - hence the threat of leaving and not wanting to be with you, and ignoring the children. She's afraid of causing harm to you.

Try getting her involved in something - weekend treats or something she has the say of what is done.

Make a list of jobs and divide it up between the family - dishes, hoovering etc (don't know if your children are old enough to help)

Make shopping small jobs that is done together - but allow her to take charge.

Talk to her and try telling her how she is making you feel and the effect she is having on the children.

Is it possible that she sees your going to work as you deserting her? If so you may need to consider either part time work or giving it up until things sort themselves out. I realise that this is a drastic measure and think that it may be worth trying to get some time off and see if things change.

Sorry I cant be of more help, but we are all here if you need to let off steam. I hope things turn out for the better soon.

((((((HUGS))))))

By Greywolf

Re: How do I cope?
Thu 24 Apr 2008 09:39

Hi John,

My OH has a message for you and wishes to post it here, so I hope no one minds.

"Hi John,

This may sound strange, and you have probably tried it before, but the only thing I can say to you is what I was given when needed:
Stand peacfully in the face of the storm and offer love and security.

May peace be always in your heart,

Moonwolf."

By EL

Re: How do I cope?
Thu 24 Apr 2008 10:27

aw moonwolf what a lovely thing to say bless yaXXX cant see anyone would mind you speaking up on here, in fact hearing how caree's feel could help us understand each other a bit more you take care luvly XXXHUGSXXX

By Shldvds

Re: How do I cope?
Thu 24 Apr 2008 20:31

Hi John, Sorry I can't give you much help from the carers point of view but one thing I can say is that your wife is very likely asking herself the same question and coming up with the answer that she can't!! In some ways I have been extremely lucky because I've had excellent support from G.P's, hospital staff and an Intensive Home Treatment Team who visited regularly at home, aided me to decide that I would benefit from going into hospital(for my own safety), who had a 24 hour telephone service I could call if the need arose. They also helped me develop coping strategies to help me through the more difficult times(suicidal)
One thing I did, and have done previously, was to keep a daily journal of events and feelings throughout the day. This helps me and does also serve as a form of distraction. There is also a web site which might be useful for your wife. It's www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk which is designed for people with depression and suggests things that might help them to help themselves.
It could also be that your wife requires a different medication, but that's for the professionals. I do know it can take at least 4 to 6 weeks or longer before some begin to show signs of working. I too was on Citalopram but was changed to Mirtazapine with better results. But that was a psychiatric decision.
One thing I do know is that you feel very much alone in the midst of this and you do need people who are prepared to listen and often it can be easier if it isn't someone close to you.
Sorry I can't be of much practical help although hope I have helped in some small way. Take care and be prepared to give it time, if you can.
Love and best wishes, Sheila.

By Johnthecook

Re: How do I cope?
Thu 24 Apr 2008 22:41

Hi

Many thanks for your kind responses, Moonwolf, I have taken on board what you have said, it makes sense, and certainly stops hostility escalating into conflict. I think coming to terms with the reality of my partners illness has not been easy for me, and your words made me stop and consider ways in which I was possibly being unhelpful because of this. Thankyou.

Sheila, cheers, sadly I cannot suggest the website to her, as she is currently denying being ill, and I am avoiding opening any discussion about how she is feeling as this sets her off. If I see a safe opportunity though, I will take it.

I have been very isolated, and the home care team etc having been very forthcoming with advice to me on how to deal with this. Just posting my questions, and discovering that there were people out there who would respond, has made me feel so much better, and I thank you all

John

By Pompeyboi

Re: How do I cope?
Fri 25 Apr 2008 18:13

hello all

im new

i care for my mum, i do cleaning shopping cooking, i get no help from existing family namely brother & sister, i am also trying to hold down a part time job i work 16 hrs a week .

Its hard as i have suffered from depression & stress and sometimes at my wits end.

any suggestions? welcomed

By Greywolf

Re: How do I cope?
Fri 25 Apr 2008 21:56

No matter how low you may feel, you need to remember that there are always others around to listen to you and offer a shoulder to cry on. Especially here.

Take each day as it comes and try to look for the smallest thing that brings pleasure - even if it's a butterfly or a ray of sunshine.