Self blame query from a caree.

Replies

By Alice

Re: Self blame query from a caree.
Sat 19 Apr 2008 09:29

Hi Greywolf
I know this is not about epilepsy, but my 40year old Daughter who has Downs is very bright and intelligent, she often says to me is it my fault I have Downs is it something I have done? whenever she is rushed into hospital and sees I am upset about it she blames herself,
What I am trying to say nobody asks to be born with any sort of disability nor should they blame themselves by saying if only I had not been born like this my Mum Dad or whoever wouldn't have to look after me. We all do our caring because we love the person we care for no matter what.
Take care

Alice

By EL

Re: Self blame query from a caree.
Sat 19 Apr 2008 10:08

Hi Greywolf, Hi OH!
Whether its epilepsy in your case or downs in Ailce's daughters case or autism as in my sons case, self blame is natural, something or someone just has to be at fault dont they? If you have been told that your condition is "just one of those things" then thats not enough for closure, OH needs a reason, cause, something to be to blame. You have not got that, so the only thing to do is blame yourself. I asked a friend of mine who does suffer epilepsy and he said quote "of course i blame myself, i silently scream at myself all the time, i know deep down its not my fault but i cant help blaming myself all the same" he also said he is aware of what hes doing during a seiure which is why he self blames. My son is only 13 and he very often says he wants to be 'normal' like everyone else, he also asks what did he do wrong to get autism. If all 3 conditions were psychological and treatable with help, yet you still did nothing to 'fix' the problem, then yeah you would all be to blame, but all 3 conditions are neurological so therefore you cant do a single bloody thing about them, you have to put trust in others to take over. OH, like it or not, epilepsy or not, you are nothing special, just plain old NORMAL.

By Greywolf

Re: Self blame query from a caree.
Sat 19 Apr 2008 10:51

From Moonwolf (my OH)

Thanks, at least I know that it's not just me that has this self blame problem.

By doug

Re: Self blame query from a caree.
Sun 20 Apr 2008 16:40

hi grey wolf
i agree with the others on this noreen felt like that for
a number of years thankfully she saw sense it was not her fault that she got iLL but she got depressed
a lot but over the years she come to realise it wasnt
her fault what you will find like i did maybe you wont
that they will want you to find somebody else i still
get that now and again but not as bad as it was
also i feel guilty as well because theres nothing i can
do except being there for her but when she is in pain or something else happens i cant help if i
could take it all away from her to give her a better
life i would it cuts me up to stand back and let other
people help and i cant all i can do is wait for the
outcome i have sat in hospital wards for hours and hours and sometimes i want to rush in there and help but i know i cant thats why i feel guilty at times
i know there are other carers feel the same way
just to let them know and you if its happened to
you its perfectly normal to feel that way
hope this helps a little

By Greywolf

Re: Self blame query from a caree.
Sun 20 Apr 2008 17:51

Thanks everyone.

The replies have made us both realise that it is normal to blame yourself, but it doesn't stop the thoughts - especially when my OH has another bad day.

(((BIG HUGS)))

By EL

Re: Self blame query from a caree.
Mon 21 Apr 2008 09:46

aw bless you babe xx, next time those thoughts come into your head tell yourself "it aint my bloody fault cause Alice, Elaine, and Doug said so" big hugs back to you both