Discussion Boards I care for...
Hiding Places
- By Desperado
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Fri 28 Mar 2008 09:23
Can someone help me please. My mother is 89 and since my father died in December she has got worse. Previously she kept losing things and blaming my father for taking them. I moved in with her when my father died and since then she loses things every day. She is actually hiding them because she thinks i will stel them from her. When I find them she thinks I have put them back. She must be suffering so much as she is driving herself crazy. The Dr has arranged for her to have memory test next week but she is refusing to go "as there is nothing wrong with her" She really believes that it is me !!! I work full ti9me and receive four or five phone calls a day during which she hurls abuse at me and when I get home she is extremely aggressive. She uses language that i didn't think she even knew !!! The other day when my brother visited she locked us both out of the house and called the police because we had stolen her Easter cards ??? She loses her keys all the time and picks things up and puts them down somewhere but she has never done it - it must be me. I am getting to the end of my tether and don't know where to turn. I've written to the Dr but she hasn't replied so I take it that she isn't really interested. Has anyone got any ideas on what I can do ???
Replies
- By Farzana
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Re: Hiding Places
Fri 28 Mar 2008 10:48Hi there,
I am facing the similar problems with my parents in law. My mother in law is suffering from early Dementia and hence she forgets things easily. However, she will never agree that she forgets, rather she complains against me if I point things to her. I wrote to her GP several times but GP is not responding.
I don't know what to do. I am accepting all of her blames with the fact that she is a ptient and does not have the proper judgemental ability.
All I can say that you are doing a great rewarding job by taking care of but I know how hard it is.
- By Desperado
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Re: Hiding Places
Fri 28 Mar 2008 11:03Thank you Farzana - it's comforting to know that there is someone else having similar problems. What can we do to ensure that our relatives get the proper care / medication to help them (and us) !! It's just impossible. Does your mother in law hide things as well?
- By crystalriver
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Re: Hiding Places
Fri 28 Mar 2008 15:58Hi,
It sounds like your mum has dementia, my mother in law had it. She used to hide her money away then forget where she put it & would accuse family members of taking it, we went in one morning & all the cushions of her settee's were all thrown over the floor , she had hid the money down the back of one of the cushions but couldn't remember which one, it looked like some one had trashed the place. She used to dirty her self as well, but tried to hide it by cutting up her underwear & putting in the kitchen cupboards We got the Dr out after she had been trying to warm her hands over the gas rings and burnt herself, he did a memory test with her things like did we have a queen or king what month it was things like that, in the end we had to find a nursing home for her, My husband came from a family of 10 but only 2 ever bothered about her the rest hadn't seen her in years despite not living more than 3 miles away, but when they found out she was going into a home they had plenty to say, though none of them wanted to care for her, until after she was settled in the home then they said they could have looked after her 
In the end the decision had to be what was best for her with the proper care she needed, 24/7.
Sorry its so long winded but you will find the hiding things is just the start. Though they do have some times when they are quite lucid. Though my mum in law used toswear blind she never had any kids let alone 10
Take care Beverley
- By Desperado
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Re: Hiding Places
Mon 31 Mar 2008 09:36Thanks Beverley, can't think of Mum going into a home - have always promised her I wouldn't let that happen. She has a memory test booked for Thursday but says she's not going as there's nothing wrong with her.
She still looks after herself but cooking is becoming a bit of a problem. Got home the other night and she'd put a pizza in the oven with COLESLAW on the top !!! It's a bit like Letitia in the Vicar of DibleyHad a long chat with mum on Saturday trying to reassure her that I don't want her things or her money. She was OK for the rest of the day, couldn't remember all the things she'd said and can't even remember that she's been accusing me of stealing for months now. She thinks she has just asked me whether I'd seen her things. Anyway, sunday morning she asked whether I'd seen her navy suit - obviously i hadn't and she is a bout three sizes smaller than me so I'm not likely to have taken it. So she says I could have sold it !!! Where would i sell a second hand trouser suit these days??? My brother came over to take us out for lunch (my birthday treat) and we had a really lovely day. See what happens today ?? I don't know about a day at a time - perhaps an hour at a time is more appropriate.
- By jimmytom
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Re: Hiding Places
Mon 31 Mar 2008 20:54Hi Desperado
My mum has Alzheimer's and she often loses things.
It takes a while but you get used to where the regular hiding places are. My mum tended to wrap things in clothes and shove the clothes back into the drawers or under her pillow or cushion.
Don't get me wrong, we've found a million things in the freezer, in the microwave, in the bicuit barrel, hidden in shoes, hidden in the toilet roll holder. She went through phases. She also used to hide her soiled underwear in the same places - due to embarrassment.
She was in an extra care scheme until a few weeks ago when she was given an emergency placement in a home but it was too traumatic for her so i gave my notice in and now look after her full time.
Good luck with your mum, you're not alone.
James