Discussion Boards I care for...
Trying to get on top of things
- By Nemo
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Thu 20 Mar 2008 13:51
I'm not really sure if I should be posting here anymore because I am no longer a carer. The person I took care of passed away five months ago. The problem is those five months haven't made a difference to anything. When I was a carer I found that as the years passed by I became more and more socially excluded and this certainly has not changed.
I used to care for my mother in what used to be the familly home. Now that my mother is no longer here the only thing that is a link to that is me, and even I feel as if I do not belong in this house anymore. As this is a rented property I have been waiting for the housing association to offer me alternative accomodation and this will only be a one bed room flat, somethign I am not looking forward to. So, the choice is to either live in this empty lifeless house or move to a soulless box of a flat knowing that I will not be able to move on from that, living out the rest of my life isolated and with no escape to something better.
Since my mother passed away I have been trying to find work but with no success, and all I have met with is really a shocking lack of awareness and understanding of what it means to have been a carer. For example, the DWP refuses to acknowledge and therefore deal with the problem that after being a carer for the past 18 years I have a lack of direct work experience and references. The advisor I spoke to instead compared my circumstances to that of what she called a semi literate 16 year old.
I don't really feel I want to work in the area of caring and would prefer to move away from this, but as this is where my experience lies, this is the kind of job I have been applying for, but even here I have only so far had one unsuccessful interview. In fact, I contacted one employer who told me they only consider people with at least one year's paid employment as a carer. So it seems that one year's paid employment as a carer is worth far more than my 18 years of unpaid caring.
I am also very aware that I am not helping myself as much I should, and I am beginning to feel this is due to feeling very down. I was due to sign on this week, but I have not been able to summon the will to go to the DWP to do this. I was also supposed to see about doing some voluntary work but again just didn't summon the will or energy to do this.
Even though its now been 5 months since my mother passed away, I have become so socially excluded that there has not been anyone around to actually talk to about things. I think a first step would now be to do just this but don't know who there is. If anyone has any suggestions this would be a great help to me.
Replies
- By Tricia
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Re: Trying to get on top of things
Thu 20 Mar 2008 14:56Hello Nemo
You are in a situation which many of us carers dread that could happen or will happen one day. You may not be aware for the Princess Trust for Carers continue to support a carer for two years once they are out of the caring role.
From what you have said and correct me if I am wrong but from reading between the lines I can see that you are going through greavence for your mother also faced with the huge question about what your future holds. As like many carers you have lived day to day not planning any further in advance due to the nature of your caring role.
I have asked many a time including on this message board and local organisations including social workers about my tranisiton should I no longer be a carer. Most often the reply has been once your in that situation let us know and we will set up a back to work program,. That won't pay my next lot of bills should I find myself out of the caring role over night.
I feel like shoutting from the rooftops HELLO BUT THAT WON'T HELP ME OR OTHER CARERS WHEN FACED WITH THAT SITUATION. There is huge amounts of cash being spent on the cared for in preparing them for transitions through out their lives. If they are to continue in leaving out the carer in their equations they are going to end up with most carers having to be cared for due to having a mental break down due to the stress and depression which it all brings when faced with the situation of no longer being a carer.
As for you being told that you have to have at least one years paid work experience and yet your 18 years of unpaid caring counts for nothing. The person who ever said that is very well mis informed about the skills with an unpaid carers has no choice but to develop in over the years of their unpaid caring role.
I don't feel like am being much help here apart from saying contact your local carers centre and let them know that you do need support while going through this phase in your life. Hopefully you will be able to move on and have a life which you never thought oneday you will have
take care
tricia
- By kerry
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Re: Trying to get on top of things
Thu 20 Mar 2008 16:39your skills on a job appplication would include:
Patience,
tolerance
understanding
flexibility
determination
the ability to compromise
the ability to speak with authorities and management in a reciprocal and productive manner
the ability to deal with emergency situations
your ability to remain calm in a stressful situation
your ability to handle 'daily' stressful situations
financial; skills (juggling very limited funds)
organisational skills
all while managing to keep a cheerul and positive demeanour even under extreme pressure and lack of resources (that most employees would strike for if they werent available)
not to mention
practical skills such as
catering
cleaning
toiletting
liftingdoes that sound like a semi literate 16 yr old to you nemo.
as for that cheeky bint down the social- seems obvious she got chucked out of charm school, maybe not for being semi literate, but defo for being a thick twonk who dont know her arse from her elbow.
listen nemo, you been a carer for 18 yrs- you can do anything!!!!
best wishes
Kerry
- By angelica
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Re: Trying to get on top of things
Thu 20 Mar 2008 23:27Hi Nemo
Have you tried talking to your GP and asking for counselling. Or perhaps you could contact CRUSE (a charity that supports bereaved people). You will be able to find thier contact details in your phone book.
Voluntary work can be a good way of getting back into the world but maybe you just aren't ready for that yet. Give yourself time. You are still grieving. If you are not sure where to live maybe you aren't ready to make a decision.
Bereavement can be hard to cope with for anyone but the life change for someone who has been a carer is huge. You're not going to be able to adjust overnight. Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help. (it's a sign of strength not weakness). Take one day at a time. You won't always feel like this.wishing you happier times ahead
Angel
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