Husband with Multiple Sclerosis

Replies

By marie66

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Wed 2 Jan 2008 17:47

Jorum (((Hugs))) to you, you sound like you're going through a rough time at the minute.

I was hitting a point where it was getting pretty difficult last November and decided, the time had come to get some help in.

I went to social services and asked for assessments of need and Carer assessment to be done and from there got some help.

I don't know your situation, but I wanted to chat and send you a (((Hug)))

marie x

By babs50

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Wed 2 Jan 2008 18:33

was your hubby this posessive b4 u wed ? he sounds very insecure , my mum had ms 4 23yrs + was pretty insensitive ,with friends + family . i was only young when she died but can remember her being quite harsh. . is ur man quite jealous anyway or do u think its the illness thats making him like this? must b very frustrating 4 u . hope u get more support soon xx

By jorum

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 07:19

I have had assessments with my husband and have a carer come in when I need a break, he doesn't like me to do that, but I feel I have to, otherwise I will go mad. I got into a situation that I really broke down one night and rang them to cfome and take over, I was a real mess and I don't want to get into that situation again.

Every day is a struggle and I get a bit short tempered, even though I try not to, I don't like taking it out on him. I love him so dearly and he deserves so much more than I can give him, that is how I am feeling at the moment, I just wish that we both could be happy and not get upset with each other.

I would like to come on line and have a chat to someone, It will have to be after I have put him to bed. Even then it is a problem because he calls from the room. So I really don't get a break.

We have been married for 18 months now and have known each other for about 5 years. and yes he did have the tendancy to be possessive with me, he wants me with him 24 hours a day, If I get a break, I feel bad because he doesn't want me to get anybody in to help.

I don't really know if it is the illness that is making him this way or that is the way he is normally. His mother said that when he was younger he was very aggressive, but I don't find that here, he is the total opposite, sometimes I think we need to have that in our marriage, at least then it may be easier I don't know.

I will try to go into the chat room tonight and see if there is anyone on there to talk with, but it will be probably after 9.00 when he is in bed.

At the moment I am having mixed feelings about things and don't know which way to go, whatever I try seems to be wrong with him, I guess he just wants me and nobody else.

I would put a confused face on here, but there isn't one, so you can say that at the moment I am a bit confused on what to do.

By jorum

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 10:40

Hi yes I am back on and really having a bad time, I want to come on line to talk to someone tonight after 9pm but my husband insists I come on well before that, he doesn't want me to put him to bed until I am finished and keeps asking what is happening on the net. I really want to put him to bed so that I can have some time to myself, is that wrong, me feeling that way. I was really looking forward to that time, but I guess it's not going to happen, tonight anyway, I guess I will have to try another nite.

By mag

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 11:25

Dear Jorum

If your day follows some kind of routine pattern, usual (approximate) time for meals, husband's bedtime, etc, I feel that it's best to stick to that so that both of you know what you are doing. You mention 9 pm so I assume that your husband is usually in bed by that time. I would suggest that you tell (not ask) him that once you know that he has had all his needs met and is in bed, you need some time to "wind down". If at first you don't succeed, keep trying, keep trying, keep trying .......

Have you ever thought of using ear plugs? I hope you do not think I am being unkind or facetious - I am a senior citizen and one of my friends has a very demanding hubby and she told me that, once she is sure he is OK, she switches off her hearing aid; says it works a treat and helps to keep her sane.

When I go to Chat Room it is normally before 9 pm - then I get hubby ready for bed but you know what - I am going to "persuade" him we need to start earlier and he can sit with dressing gown on if he wishes.

I intend to be in chat tonight approx 9 pm - I want to see you in there my girl. I am sure that if you establish a little "me" time in this way you may be able to set the pattern for other little improvements for yourself.
It really will be worth the effort

By jorum

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 11:43

Hi Mag

Yes we do have a sort of routine during the day, Yeah I told him tonight that I wanted to come on line and wanted him in bed but he persisted in staying up. It was 9.30 before I got him to bed tonight. I did come in the chat room before 9 but nobody was there, I kept coming in and out for half an hour and gave up and went to bed myself. I will keep trying to get him in bed for 9 every night so I can have some time to myself like coming on the internet and not doing it during the day.

Hey ear plugs sounds good right now, maybe that is worth a try, or I can just tune him out. that is not easy though because I get annoyed when he keeps making comments on what I am doing.

Sorry I missed you in the chat room tonight would have been good to talk with you, I will try again tomorrow nite. I will keep persisting until I get someone.

By Jessica

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 13:14

I have a similar situation with my partner. He is also very demanding and can be quite nasty. Being older he had a big suspicion of the Internet and all the things he'd heard about chat rooms etc and did not like me being on the computer (refered to as 'that thing'!). I think it was worry that I was going to meet someone and go off with them and leave him. What happens in day to day real life is more in their control and they know what we are up to. Mine also doesn't like me going out without him - when I do I am almost timed so I hardly go out by myself as always feel in a rush to get back. Again same thing - I could be meeting someone. Would this fit with your husband as well. It is getting better as I do stand up for myself to a point.
My OH goes to bed about 9pm and then I'm up till about midnight just enjoying some peace and quiet and doing whatever I want to without being mithered. If he's on a not sleeping bout I can put up with it for a while but when he's being demanding and wanting meaningfull conversations at gone midnight I do tend to lose my temper.
I went through a very impatient phase with him and had an alternative therapist mix me up a concoction of Bach Flower Remedy and that really helped. There is one specific flower remedy for impatience so if you see anywhere that sells the remedies have a look - usually leaflets by them or look up on Internet and give it a go - not expensive to try.
Hope to meet you in chat one evening.

By babs50

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 15:27

hi jorum , i was in chat room last night must have just missed u , try again if u can, i care 4 my 8yr old daughter + dont really know what its like 2 care 4 a partner but i sure we cud chat any how? xx

By debzsanderson

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Thu 3 Jan 2008 20:26

my partner of five years has ms so I know what it's like. He has got a lot worse in this time but we take things a day at a time. I have recently starting getting more support from his family-my parents are 300 miles away!! I try to have some "me" time every day and the chat room is a great place to get support and advice. I like to get up early and spend some time in the morning just getting things sorted for the day-that includes getting myself ready!!
I will try to be online about 9pm but unfortunately it might not be possible.

take care Debz xx

By jorum

Re: Husband with Multiple Sclerosis
Fri 4 Jan 2008 05:15

My husband has no suspicions on who I chat to on the computer, he just doesn't like my attention being away from him, even though we are in the same room as each other. Also when I go out as well, sometimes I go for quick trips to the shops and feel that I have to hurry back. Yes I do lose my temper with him on occasions, as soon as I do something for myself, like my sewing again in the same room as he. I do have to attend to his needs during the day as he can't do them on his own and I make sure his needs are met. Just when my attention is on something else is where we have the hastles.

I do not have support from family or friends, his mother is more of an inconvenience to me than a help. She always disagrees with what I do with him and runs to her daughters place and talks to her. I can never satisfy her no matter what. She didn't even want me to bring him home from the Nursing Home, but we both decided on that. All in all things are working out, it's just the clinginess that I am having trouble handling.

I don't get time to myself at all, If I am up too late at night I tend to get exhausted because he is up really early in the morning and it makes for a very long day. Sometimes I just feel like crying.

I have tried several times to get on the chat room, but nobody is never there I will keep persisting and hopefully I can get onto you guys and have a chat.