Discussion Boards I care for...
family conflicts-brother and sister
- By dan_r76
-
Fri 7 Dec 2007 13:19
my brother & sister live away from home, i live at home with my 82 yr old father who me and my mother care for. its got to the stage now where we can no longer cope, as hes got bladder and bowel incontinence,parkinsons, glaucoma, manic depression, and heart probs. although our dr is great, our social worker is the rudest most patronising woman ive ever met! when i told my brother and sister that we cant cope any more, they went mad and started shouting! ive stormed out the house over to the internet and have been sobbing my heart out! the stress is getting too much for me and my mum, i told my brother and sister that they should come and look after dad and clean up urine and faeces all day! the matress on bed is ruined now as is the armchair, my dads run ut of clothe too! me and mum never get a good nites sleep anymore, mums come down with a virus now from all the stress, and ive come down with flu and depression! my brother and sister dont have to live with it 24-7 me and mum do! camden social services are awful! we cant even get the team to assess his incontinence, the drs contacted them a few times! we have to buy pads and they are expensive,. When we suggested to brother and sister that maybe dad should go into a home temporarily, just to give me and mum a break, they were horrified. the thing is, if mum and i are ill, whos gonna look after dad???? they dont think of these things and its causing a major rift in the family.
Replies
- By Tricia
-
Re: family conflicts-brother and sister
Fri 7 Dec 2007 14:29Dan I have noticed you have also put a message on the board about incontience. I have just googled Camden social services and it saddens me to see they have such an excellent website which informs the reader of the services which they offer, yet I read about your case. In fact does not sadden me it horrifies me to hear of a carer who is asking for the help only to be faced with a brick wall from your social services.
Also you can approach your local carers centre and they will support your case with social service. This can be done either through a phone call, email or a letter if you are unable to get to your local centre.
If you have not checked out Camden's social services web site here it is for you
I hope that you are able to find something on there of use. I did notice that their is an emergency contact for self referals which is on the page of
If you also have a look around the web site you may find some information of use to you and when you do contact them state where you have found the information .
As for family members wished I had a magic wand to help you there. I also faced very similar situation myself when I was caring for my parents. I was an exhasted wreck at the time yet all my brother and sister could do were pull me down at the very time I needed support.
Do you need their permission to have your dad put into respite care so you and your mother can take a much needed break?
|I have noticed the web pages which I tried to copy have come up as just the main page if you go to adult services which is on the left side on your screen you find the information there
If that fails we use to get incontience pads for Mam through the local district nurse as we did not have a social worker involved so maybe you could try through your fathers GP and ask for a referal through the district nurse.
Every area is different with their proceedures so I am only aware of what we have in my local area
but anyway I do hope that some of this will be of use to you and you take care
- By dan_r76
-
Re: family conflicts-brother and sister
Mon 24 Dec 2007 16:10thank you for your reply. now that its xmas time, ive fallen out completly with brother and sister. i actually did say to the pair of them that if they could take dad for 24 hours just to see what me and mum go through? then ill be prepared to listen to what theyve got to say? they both said "no, we cant do that, dad wouldnt come to our houses anyway" by the way, niether of them have asked him if hed like to go there or not! and then they said "you and mum are better to have him at home in his own enviroment" (well the hospital was not his home
enviroment-) so i suggested they stay at ours for 24 hours, either brother or sister! (giving them a choice!) they still said no, so i turned and said that "well in that case, dont phone me, or talk to me again." may sound harsh, but its like they are so ruddy selfish, they have no idea what me and mum have to go through because they are never there long enough. they dont want the responsibility.
- By Beth
-
Re: family conflicts-brother and sister
Tue 25 Dec 2007 23:40Hi Dan-r
Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your brother and sister. It is the same for a lot a carers.
I think you have done the right thing asking them to take your Dad or come to the house and look after him for 24 hours. I didn't think they would agree to take over but clearly it shows that they know it is difficult or they would have tried!
Now that you know for sure that you will not get any help from either your brother or your sister you can plan for the future without thinking that perhaps they will help. Contact Social Services and just tell them that you and your Mum cant go on like this and say that you will take drastic action if help is not given immediately. You have to keep on at Social Services to let them see that you are serious. Although we carers feel morally obliged to help parents there is no legal requirement to do so and you could walk away. So if they wont help with your Dad tell them you want them to help you get a home away from all the problems. You can also say that you will consider dumping your Dad off at the nearest hospital. It has to be put to them that you really are at the end of your rope before they will do something. Your situation sounds really bad enough to warrant instant help.
Hope it all goes well for you
Beth