Someone who understands?

Replies

By Annruth

Re: Someone who understands?
Fri 7 Dec 2007 01:08

Hi! Believe me, there are people who fully undersatnd. I am very new to this site, I care for my husband who has a variety of mental health problems (see my earlier post!) and you are right it's terribly difficult for the children, and also quite frightening (my son bottled up for a long time that he was terrified that the same thing would happen to him, for example, until he was near breaking point at the age of 14)- which of course increases the guilt for you. All I can say is talk to them and encourage them to express their feelings however bad they may be. As for meds, all I can tell you is that my h has been prescribed things in the past which have made him much worse (notably, seroxat which made him suicidal for quite some time a couple of years back, when he was initially diagnosed as depressive) - it is worth researching the drugs, side effects etc and maybe asking to see another consultant/doc for a fresh perspective. My h is having a CT brain scan next week, but it has taken YEARS of several different 'labels' and doctors and him becoming gradually worse to get to this point. It is so frustrating, isn't it? To undersatnd fully, I think you have to experience it, which is why I hope that chatting here helps - if only to unburden! Take care of yourself, and your children. Hugs x

By kez

Re: Someone who understands?
Fri 7 Dec 2007 16:51

Hi! Thanks for replying to me.It's nice to talk to someone who has children involved too,the only carers i've met have had no children living with them.My eldest is 11 and is at the very angry with it all stage at the moment, and my youngest who's 8(both boys) thinks it;'s normal as he was a baby when my husband first got unwell,but i'm told this is a worry for him to think this as he has already been displaying signs of O.C.D.
The stress has also brought out the condition M.E in my youngest which now gives me another worry.People say silly things like how do you cope? and everytime i say the same- i don't know all i know is i love my husband and kids to bits so i cope for them and i'll keep coping,oneday at a time.Thanks for the chat i don't feel on my own any more.

By solbert

Re: Someone who understands?
Sat 8 Dec 2007 08:37

hi my son has paranoid schizophrenia he is 21 and he first got ill at 15 i have two other children they have both worried that it will happen to them like the other carer it is really hard to reassure them i have started to see a counsellor my self just to off load on to i think it does help it isn't an answer cos i don't think there is one have you got a support worker for you to talk to i have one from an organize association called making space if there is one in your area maybe you could contact them or get your husbands social worker to find out for you they are really helpful good luck and look after yourself.

By Jay

Re: Someone who understands?
Wed 12 Dec 2007 15:25

Hi Kez, really relate to your situation. I've been the carer for my husband for the past 10 years. My children are now 13 and 15 and especially my daughter is now very resentful towards her dad. Obviously its not his fault he is ill but it also brings money worries, no holidays, few luxuries etc and at the age of 15 peer pressure wants them to have the same as their friends. Sleepovers are a thing of the past but I really feel their friends mums probably think I "dont take a turn" but it would be too difficult and stressful for other children to stay. Do you find that? The teenage years are quite difficult at the best of times but its the lack of support from my partner that doesnt help. I find it difficult sleeping now with the worry. Sorry I'm not really helping but thought you might like to hear someone else going through the same.

By thistle

Re: Someone who understands?
Wed 12 Dec 2007 16:57

Hi
I know exactly how you're feeling. My kids are 20 and 16, and my son is impatient and angry with my husband, and tends to disrespect him as he's not the 'man of the house' going out to work, doing chores, etc, and my daughter is very distant with him, and according to her college tutors is a very quiet person, with lots of barriers, which I think stems from her shame over my husband's illnesses, and her need to keep her home life a 'secret' so no-one finds out that she has a mentally unwell parent.

Last week we were at a very low ebb indeed, and in desparation I have changed my husband's GP to a different practice. I hauled him down to see the new GP, who has reviewed his medications, commented that some are reacting badly with others and causing a toxic substance in his brain, which is not helping his depression or moods, and has referred him to a completely different mental health team in another area, as we felt his existing mental health professionals were not being helpful. All I can say is keep fighting for your man and yourself, as I'm doing. Try different healthcare options, GP's etc and make a nuisance of yourself if you have to. Our husbands are still people, with rights, feelings, and opinions, and should be listened to and treated with respect and dignity.

kind regards
Thistle