stress/depression

Replies

By westener1

Re: stress/depression
Wed 24 Oct 2007 21:42

hi hope your feeling better,i've been where you are, though our marriage was a very loving one,and still is even after death,your hubby has had a wake up call,and he see's life now through different eyes,i don't know how severe his stroke is,but try and put yourself in his position,from working,and playing sport to relying on people to do things we take for granted,its important to remember that life goes on after stroke,you take each day as it comes,and each day at a time, my husband was 51 when he had his stroke i was 43yrs. but i loved him unconditionally we made the most of our time together, i have a saying live each day as if its your last cause one day you'll be right,i don't believe in quarrelling but i believe in being straight and up front. we slept together, laughed together and cried together, only you know how you truly feel talk to him about it.
We carried on with our hobby as best we could battle re-enactment. and my husband was completely paralysed,needed help feeding,drinking,toilet etc. we had very bad days but we enjoyed the good days.
Life as a carer as anyone on this sight will tell you is not easy.
my angel passed away aged 53 i was a few weeks off my 45th birthday,life is to short for bitterness,and i wish he were here now BUT i wouldn't want him to be in the discomfort he was in BUT i would go through all the worry,the sleepless nights etc to have him here now.
your life is not over,your TRUE friends will always be there for you both no matter what,if you intend staying you need somekind of routine, you need to maintain your life with friends,try having girlie sessions once in a while massage etc, sorry to bang on but i do understand what your saying and where your coming from as only a carer would,there will be good days, i wrote every thing down in a book i called it ME. if it was a good day or if it was a bad day no-one knows about it only me so good luck don't lose heart.

By sandsend

Re: stress/depression
Fri 26 Oct 2007 16:29

thanks westerner1 for your reply I really appreciate it, I am usually more positive about the situation But sometimes it doesn't seem to end. I am sorry you lost your partner at such a young age, thanks for the encouragement.

By nookienoo

Re: stress/depression
Mon 29 Oct 2007 03:17

well, i have a very different view sandsend, i think your there out of duty and what " other people would think". i would leave him, sorry, but what about your life?? are you getting any help looking after him?? where are his family??? i feel your trapped in a situation you dont even want to be in, and your sad because your heart isnt in it. every woman has exceptional intuition and we sometimes dont listen to it, your heart wasnt in it before he was sick, and you need to be really in love and have a good emotional connection with someone to sacrifice so much for them. i would get some counselling and be honest about how you really feel. i dont think people will blame you if they find out whats really been going on. good luck, and life is short!!! your still young!!!

By PAT FROM DORSET

Re: stress/depression
Tue 30 Oct 2007 16:03

HI
I am so sorry but i agree with nookienoo,GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN,if you stay out of pity & resent every minuet you will end up like me 'bitter & so fed up ' that i regret the time i have wasted,i have looked after hubbie for 32yrs ,at first it was ok but over time he has got worse & more selfish. We have a chance for him to go into respite so i could go on holiday,but all he says is he could cope alone HA,then maybe HE could be better by the time i went away ,again HA .
SO my love dont stay out of duty ,its not good for him & deffinatly not good for you.
The first person loved her husband ,so its not a problem for her to comprimise .dont get me wrong i love mine but if i could turn the clock back i would have left.
What ever you descide you will feel guilty ,SO GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS .
JUST REMEMBER LIFE IS NOT A VIDIO 'YOU CAN NOT REWINED & HAVE ANOTHER GO,

By ozzys mum

Re: stress/depression
Wed 31 Oct 2007 14:52

I agree with nookinoo, I to was in a similar situation, I looked after my partner he died in June, but I had a lot of stress, depression, panic attacks the lot, my partner had family but they didnt want to know and there was absolutly no help from anyone social services doctors etc etc....I am never doing this again, it might sound selfish but there u go....Lesley

By Bridie

Re: stress/depression
Wed 31 Oct 2007 19:04

From Bridie.
This is a truly fascinating subject and only those genuine
carers who have experienced the anguish can have a true
idea of what it is.I have cared for my wife for 26 years and
now that she is completely helpless and in bed all day and
night I often get depressed and very worried about her. I used
to have the solace of respites where I went away for a few
days and she was looked after by a local group and by
Social Services with visits also from District Nurses.However,
this excellent arrangement is no longer sufficient because
the District Nurses are not "allowed" to administer the three times a day medications and insulin. Neither of the other
parties can take this on so I have to remain at home now
for any respites I can arrange. Does anyone else have this
depressing problem? Bridie

By nookienoo

Re: stress/depression
Wed 31 Oct 2007 22:11

dear bridie, you need to talk to some sort of community services, and see how you can get your wife into high level care nursing home. you know there are studies that have proven that the " carer " can sometimes go before the person who is cared for. you need to be realistic here, youve done your best for her, and now its time to let go and resume some sort of life. you didnt say how old you and your wife are?? and if you have kids?? is there family close by?? is your wife on some sort of disability pension, or aged pension?? are you in nsw??? ( cause i have a plethora of info for you if you are ). you poor thing, what a situation to be in bridie, i understand you love your wife, but geez, would she want you to sacrifice so much???

By nookienoo

Re: stress/depression
Wed 31 Oct 2007 22:23

also, pat from dorset and ozzys mum, i hope you have some good family support. your good women, and if the shoe was on the other foot we have to wonder if it would be reciprocated!!! not that you should do things in the hope that they are returned, but its nice to know someone would be there to care for us if we were ill. i care for my parents, mums in a nursing home ( shes 64 ) and weve had a very strained relationship over the years. and hubby, kids and i have moved in with dad to care for him and our relationship has been not ideal either. the reason i do it? well, there my parents and i hope that my kids will see that regardless of our gripes with eachother ( there will always be contention ) we need to be there and support eachother. i wont hesitate to put dad in a nursing home if he gets too much for me and my family. and he knows that. and, so far, im appreciated for my efforts. he has type 2 diabetes and coronary artery disease, and is a ticking time bomb. he is becoming forgetful and confused, which is hard to watch. my kids are 16, 10 and 4 and they love there " papa " and are helpful are the place too. so hats off to you ladies for doing your bit, as stressful as it is....

By Rita A

Re: stress/depression
Wed 31 Oct 2007 22:57

Sandsend - at least you know you are not alone and there are people in the same position as yourself. We just have to be there to back each other up. I'm going through a really tough time just now and my family are too far away to help. Wish we could all feel better sometimes.

By lurcherman Mike

Re: stress/depression
Fri 9 Nov 2007 15:38

Sandsend
Hi I am in a similar positon. 2 years ago my wife had several strokes and we were in a bad way marriage wise, loads of reasons. Now i am compelled to look after her and going mad. Resbite is helpful but when you get a chance go to chat in the evening. Loads can help by just being there and understanding what you are going through. Good luck ...##

Mike