My sister and I are carers for our 74 year old mum. We have both come to the end of our tether and are finding it really difficult to carry on.
Our mum is the most stubborn, selfish, inconsiderate, schemeing, manipulative person you have ever come across. All our lives we have been ruled by her aptitude that everything had to be done her way or its the highway. She has a very victorian aptitude that children should be seen and not heard and really does not appreciate anything we do for her. Not that we want a medal or gratification, but it would be nice if she said thank you occaisonally instead of her usual comment " I never asked you too"
Our mum has started to become very adept at pretending to take her oral medicines. She hides them in her hand and then shoves them down the side of her chair. pretends she has taken them and then throws them in the bin. etc. (this is medication for her unmanaged diabetes condition which she has had for 40 years) Because she lives in a semi drugged state of high blood sugars, it is making it neigh on impossible to care for her.
Now she is refusing to do her washing up and instead of doing her washing up, she either eats from dirty plates or has now started using the Best China that has always been locked away in the cupboard and never used because she said she did not want it broken or spoilt. My poor sister has been trying for two weeks to get her do it, and discovered that when whe thought mum had actually done it, she hadnt, she had piled it into the dishwasher and left it there. (we had to decommission the dishwasher as she was filling it up, not putting it on and using dirty plates to eat from. then we'd turn it on and get it all washed and shed refuse to empty it, taking clean plates out one at a time and putting dirty plates back in with clean plates and then not putting it on to wash)
My sister had a go at mum for loading the dishwasher with dirty crockery and leaving it and refused to wash it up for mum. The situation then turned into a battle of the wills between my sister and my mum. Neither would do the washing up and it piled up and got smelly and some of the plates had mould on them. I came up last week to take her to hospital smelled the stink in mums kitchen and found a huge pile of washing in the sink. Did that and put it all away then discovered the huge pile of washing up in the de commissioned dishwasher.
There must have been at least two weeks worth of crockery in the dishwasher that was going mouldy. I took the lot out and washed it up with hot water and bleach! then proceeded to pack away most of the crockery and left mum with 2 plates, 2 cups, two knives, two forks etc. in the hope that she would only use what she needed and that if she did not have access to loads of crockery she could not acrue so much dirty washing up. How wrong could I be. Today my sister found that mother had been eating off the cats bowl and that it still had catfood dried and incrusted round it!!!!
Mum does not have dementia, Alzehimers or mild cognative impairment, We have been told by the doctors that there is nothing medically or mentally wrong with her and she has not physical disabilities. She has just decided that she does not see why she should have to tidy up after herself when she has my sister and her husband going in every day. Her aptitude is at my age, they should be doing it for me!
HAS ANYONE GOT ANY TIPS OR IDEAS ON HOW TO OVERCOME THIS BELIGERANT BEHAVIOR AND GET HER DOING HER OWN WASHING UP?