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Caught in the middle

Posted by suejane at Thu May 24, 2012 4:43 am

Hi there. Ever since son lost his taxi to college there have been problems. There is only myself and hubbie to take him now. Son insists i take him because he can talk to me. If hubbie comes too he feeels he cant. Hubbie wants to come too sometimes and inssts he wont be bullied by son.Im caught in the middle. Son refuses college if hubbie wants to drive especially when sons mood is already low.Yesterday sadly i lost the plot abit, i havent been well myself for several months now and had an aguement with son.Hubbie says im not to blame and that son should not be so stubborn about him driving sometimes and not me. Its getting really difficult. Does anyone have any suggestions. Son lost taxi through argument with taxi driver and now we cant get another one and there is no other way son can get to college. I cant sleep because of all the stress. We dont have any family or friends to help. Thankyou.xxx

Re: Caught in the middle

Posted by suejane at Thu May 24, 2012 4:47 am

ps hubbie is sons stepdad and son constantly tries to keep hubbie out of our lives saying he isnt family but we dont have anyone else. Son is aged 20 with dyspraxia partial deafness and longterm anxiety disorder. Sometimes he wont take his medication saying he doesnt have too and that he can do as he wishes which iss fine but he does need transport, us, to all his activites.

Re: Caught in the middle

Posted by CrystalBlueWolf at Thu May 24, 2012 12:10 pm

Hey hun, sorry to hear things are still really difficult for you. Is there no way you can get any support for yourself? Does he have a support worker at all? If you are starting to loose it with him you need to try and step away a little bit (as hard as that can be) because making yourself more sick isn't going to help anyone. Hope things get better soon x

Re: Caught in the middle

Posted by suejane at Thu May 24, 2012 12:33 pm

Hello crystal how are you? I suggested to hubbie that he and i step back because being angrydoesnt help anyone and only frightens Cian. So he makes his own decissions as much as possible. I have hoped he could continue at college and we will do our best to get him there.He has gone today and was happy to go, i took him. So hubbie and i have agreed that i will take him every morning and hubbie will help-come with me- in the afternoon. I dont want son to think he doesnt belong here because he does. Today we have been offered counselling for him also psychiatrist and employment officer happeneing on the same day next week.I just now go slowly, because i have problems myself, and see how we go. Thankyou for kind suppoet and have agood day yourself xxx

Re: Caught in the middle

Posted by swissmiss at Thu May 24, 2012 11:13 pm

Hi Jane
You need to take control of the situation. That's all. You cant be everything to Cian...you are doing him no favours in trying to be. One day he will have to live without you and right now is the very best time to support and empower him to function as much as possible under his own steam. Be supportive but allow him to sort out his own problems. He will feel great when he manages it. Let him know it is too much he is asking..let him react...and then ask him when he is ready to start the rest of his life with support but not with you doing everything for him. I am firm with my boys...I tell them that if they dont try to be the best they can they are allowing themselves to be more marginalised and disrespected by society. Once people disrespect you you get abused. You try your best and everyone respects you for trying. Cian does so much so well in terms of his sport and having a girlfriend...he has to learn that you cant walk away from problems because life is prone to throwing them up at every turn.
Love
Karen xx

Re: Caught in the middle

Posted by suejane at Fri May 25, 2012 9:11 am

I agree. I cant be everything and i cant be everywhere. He has choices to make about all his activities. The college phoned, he has missed some lessons we know but they were concerned. We have sorted out the taxi problem but he does have to bend abit. I think now is agood time to start because David and i cant be everywhere anymore. Im sure this will help him. I leave hime to make his own desicisons whilst now trying to have abit of life of my own im getting tired and grumpy at the moment. I admire him for his courage and enthusiasm, all these children are wonderful kids.Thankyou Karen and i hope today will go well. The Torch hits Cardiff and Cian is in a dance group performing today. Hugs and keep well, thinking of you all from jane xxx

Re: Caught in the middle

Posted by swissmiss at Sat May 26, 2012 1:45 pm

Have a lovely weekend Jane..in the sunshine. You are a bit tired and grumpy???? Why would that be??? Join the club!!!! ROFL
Ali really didnt want to fo to his day club on Monday but has thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the week. As the owner said, "well I suppose he is entitled to throw a sickie!!"...which made me think how much we make him feel controlled and how I would have felt at 20 if I could never get away with anything! Made me smile. :-)