Karen - I dont how to respond but felt I needed to at least let you know I am thinking about you and have been following your posts. Depression is a horrible thing - its a hidden illness and often family/friends dont undestand.Please try and speak to someone-the Samaritans are always there to listen.I am fighting to get my partner the care he deserves and needs but its an uphill battle and it seems we are never going to win.Take care and your friends on here care about you {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

debz xx

This is the only place I know where anyone "gets it". I have had a couple of large brandies and momentarily revived myself. The trick has to be not to care about any of it..hasn't it?

Thanks for caring Ena. I feel so tired and burnt out from caring...then that makes me acutely aware of how Neil said he felt which adds to it all. I think people are fed up of me going on about losing him but it will be with me forever. I have semi closed down on Facebook...just using it to keep tabs on events and news rather than friendship as right now I dont seem to have any friends left...there or in the real world. Life could be worse. We have a safe roof over our heads...even if it is Mum & Dad's house filled with memories good and bad. Mum is so frail...she doesnt know who we are although she does communicate with us through mediums!!! She fell again last week and seemed OK but then her hand was red and swollen on Friday afternoon and the bloody home she is in rang to tell me and then tell me they couldnt give her pain relief as it wasnt prescribed and the GP had clocked off for the weekend! They then promised to give her some paracetamol of their own...I am so furious and emotional that they act so badly over what should be run of the mill caring! I offered to go with them to take her to A&E but they said it would have to wait till morning. Then they rang again on Saturday morning to say that they didnt have any staff to take her to A&E so unless I took her on my own she couldnt go! I cannot manage her on my own as she is constantly trying to escape and I have Ali to care for and Angus then doesnt know whether to help me or stay with Ali...so I said that if I lived in Timbuctoo they would have to take her! Upshot was that they took her. I had to ring head office to complain as this isnt acceptable so now they are all apologetic and I have a meeting with the manager and her boss tomorrow...more pressure I could do without. I still am not getting the two probates done...2 year anniversary of Dad's passing next week! 18 months since Neil's on the 25th. Only good thing with time passing is that it gets closer to the time I will be with them again..not the most cheerful outlook but life is at best bearable.
Nobody gets how it is unless they are in the same boat???
Take care
Karen xx

Thanks Jane. I have arranged a new session of therapy today..privately as all the NHS could offer was CBT by computer!!! The counsellor is a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist...hopefully she will be able to sort my brain out?! In the mean time have resorted to drinking wine again!!! Have just sent an email to Alistair's Psychiatrists secretary telling her his hearing test is this week and then suggesting a diagnostic assessment..have found a good place in Hertfordshire..so that we can structure therapy for him. Then I need to try and help Angus. We have an appointment for him at the college to discuss his future and then take it from there. There is no specialist support for Aspergers/HFA here so it is a case of whether we shall have to plan that in when we eventually get to move. I am too nervous and frightened to make a decision where to move to and I dont really want to leave here while Mum is still alive.
Hope you and Cian are OK?
Take care
Karen xx