I realise I am in desperate need of help as Ali [severely Autistic and virtually mute] is getting very uptight at the moment which means he is stimming and hitting himself and the doorframe unless I am with him and struggling to calm him and on top of my grief I am shaking, dizzy, sick and having tension headaches and shooting pains which are frightening me. I was waiting to see if we were staying here and to let us get over some of the trauma of losing Neil but I couldnt go on so after ringing SS I took myself to the docs...unbelievably easy to get an appointment and a double one at that for me and Ali, so friendly and helpful I cannot believe it. He checked me over and unbelievably ...again....I apparently have the blood pressure of a teenager!!! This stress, tension and massive emotional torment of losing Neil must be good for you even if I feel like I am dying sometimes [you should see me and you would laugh!!!] and he gave me a form for some therapy which I can have at the health centre.
SS...well...it was a challenge! Ali is 19 , but you have to be 18 or under they said to access "transitional team" so I stayed really calm and said that unfortunately I couldnt rewind him! She went away, and several minutes later came back sounding as though she had solved the riddle of the phoenix!!! She had found an extension number to put me through to the duty social worker!!!! What help would I like she said? So I said day care and respite! She is getting a SW to ring me to arrange an assessment for Ali and a carers assessment...would you like one she asked so I said if it isnt a problem, yes, as thats the only way my needs would be met isnt it??? Seems easy so far, for SS that is, but it wont be I know...still. Do I have documentation she said to prove that Ali has SLD?!!! What planet are they on? Even if I didnt, which I have, except it is 12 years old so no doubt that will need reassessing, any idot can see he does!!! I stayed calm, focussed on what I need and told them that after all that has happened Ali is very wary of SS and that what is essential is a good experience!
I am going to take the approach that I know what I need to carry on caring for him and staying alive and that they can fill out as many forms as they like to justify it but unless I get it they can find residential care for him. I am just starting to glimpse the person I am under the burden of caring for the first time in years and I am determined to find space for me to be me as much as for Ali to be Ali and space for Angus [his older Aspie brother] to be himself without having to help care for Ali and after the 3 years of caring for Neil [mental health problems, suicide attempt, paraplegia and finally taking his own life]...we deserve it and NEED it. I love Ali and want him to live with me but unless they divi up soon I will be in a box as well.